Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Confessions of a Serial Tree Killer, Pt. 3 - A picture is worth a thousand words...
WARNING:
The images you are about to view are VERY gruesome and should only be seen by adults. If you have small children or you're a tree hugger, you might want to turn away now.
BEFORE
AFTER
Killin is my business ladies, and business is good!" - Major Payne
I slept great.
Let me start here (Hurrrr).
I didnt like the Paranormal Activity movies. No, I wasnt scared, because they werent scary. I WILL say that those movies are way better whenever you watch it in the comfort of your own home with the lights off, rather than a big theater.
So... about 5 am, we are peacefully sleeping and then BOOM!
Something in the living room fell off the wall..
Immediately I was like "DOUBLEYOUTEEEFFFFFFFFF" and Lin and I simultaneously peed a little in the bed.
I knew I had closed the windows earlier so the wind couldnt have done it. And the doors were locked all night long. So the next logical thing I could think was... it's a ghost.
Then my thinking turned to the famous rules of horror movies. 1st on my list was TURN ON THE LIGHTS. I never get why people leave it dark when they go searching for trouble. #2. Find a weapon. This one was no help, because I didnt have one. And I wasnt about to go charge someone or something with a clothes hanger. #3. DO NOT SAY "Ill be right back".
Of course, we all know that black people die first in these movies. So at that point I was like "Hold up!". Cause I knew there was a pretty good chance I might not come back from this. Maybe Ill wait around a bit til Lin wants a glass of water and she can check it out.
But I just told myself screw it, it cant be that bad. Cut on the hallway light, then the kitchen light. Looked around a bit, and all I found was a piece of wall art on the floor.
I have now narrowed it down to two things. Either there is a ghost in our home, which Im starting to believe since crazy stuff happens all the time, or Lindsay needs to step her game up and start buying some highER quality wall decor.
I sure am glad it wasnt a rat.
I didnt like the Paranormal Activity movies. No, I wasnt scared, because they werent scary. I WILL say that those movies are way better whenever you watch it in the comfort of your own home with the lights off, rather than a big theater.
So... about 5 am, we are peacefully sleeping and then BOOM!
Something in the living room fell off the wall..
Immediately I was like "DOUBLEYOUTEEEFFFFFFFFF" and Lin and I simultaneously peed a little in the bed.
I knew I had closed the windows earlier so the wind couldnt have done it. And the doors were locked all night long. So the next logical thing I could think was... it's a ghost.
Then my thinking turned to the famous rules of horror movies. 1st on my list was TURN ON THE LIGHTS. I never get why people leave it dark when they go searching for trouble. #2. Find a weapon. This one was no help, because I didnt have one. And I wasnt about to go charge someone or something with a clothes hanger. #3. DO NOT SAY "Ill be right back".
Of course, we all know that black people die first in these movies. So at that point I was like "Hold up!". Cause I knew there was a pretty good chance I might not come back from this. Maybe Ill wait around a bit til Lin wants a glass of water and she can check it out.
But I just told myself screw it, it cant be that bad. Cut on the hallway light, then the kitchen light. Looked around a bit, and all I found was a piece of wall art on the floor.
I have now narrowed it down to two things. Either there is a ghost in our home, which Im starting to believe since crazy stuff happens all the time, or Lindsay needs to step her game up and start buying some highER quality wall decor.
I sure am glad it wasnt a rat.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Do you like Hip Hop?? I DO I DO I DO-OOOOO!
My boy Coo will be in concert April 21, 2011 in Arlington and you do NOT wanna miss out! AND his newest single "Just Like Water" will be on ITunes this FRIDAY!
Friday, April 1, 2011
GRRRRR!!!!!!
Speaking of April Fool's again, one thing that I do NOT like, along with pickles and Mexican food, is getting got. Say it out loud and it will make more sense. I hate gettin got.
Today, I got got. And I am so disappointed in myself. I should have seen this coming.
First... There is a young lady at work that I torture all the time. Yeah, ill admit it. I torture her. She is easy to scare, so I scare her. And when I remember to, I record it. She's been saying that she was gonna get me back, but I didnt think she would.
Yesterday, I even wrote her son on Facebook and asked him to mention me when he talked to her, and she freaked out. And when I say freak out, she FREAKED OUT. (For some reason she thinks I would be a bad influence on him and her other son).
I was given an idea at work, and I ran with it. I was going to get inside of a shred bin, and ask Renee (My "Victim") to come unlock it and get something out. We had the plan ready and knew exactly how to get her down to our floor, and then I would hop out and scare her.
The plan didnt work out that way.
I can't explain to you how mad I was at myself. It was such a let down. But I guess I had it coming.
You know what???
She has it coming... AGAIN! Watch your back!
April Fool's Day
Each year there are a few days that I REALLY REALLY look forward to.
1. Halloween - Duh! If you dont know this by now then you're a jabroni.
2. Fourth of July - Fire + Fire = AWESOME
And number C.
April Fool's Day.
The history of this day dates back to 1429 when a court jester in Spain set out 1 day of the year to fool every person he saw as he was working for the King of Spain at that time. The Queen (who happened to be named April) loved his idea so much that she declared the day, April Fool's Day and from then on, they celebrated with pranks and jokes as a way to take their mind off of the current stresses of life.
That was completely made up.
I freakin love this day (said in my Jersey Shore Deena voice). It's a freakin blast (see previous). Some of my favorite pranks in the past were telling everybody to text Jody because he was going in for an emergency appendectemy... Or telling my co-workers at Spring Creek that I was in the hospital and wasnt gonna make it to work.
This year was different. I had to top everything that I have ever done before. And I believe I did.
My highlight - The Tattoo of Death.
To make it more believeable, I checked-in at the tattoo shop on Facebook. Then I waited until around 11:30 and posted the pictures on my page. With the help of my devious Aunts, we got it in my mother's head that I got this huge tattoo of Lindsay's name on me. And man was she mad/sad/upset/angry/worried etc. She was trying to be sly and get me to go to lunch with her so she could see it. But being the master prankster that I am, I wasnt budging. Then the questions started.
ALSO... Shout out to my homie B.Bell for being my partner in the little prank we did at work today (Fake email, Co-worker is "getting married and leaving the company". Insert photoshopped picture of our co-worker and random guido, then send to people. WINNING). I think that was a success. Thanks for being cool Jennifer!!! :)
1. Halloween - Duh! If you dont know this by now then you're a jabroni.
2. Fourth of July - Fire + Fire = AWESOME
And number C.
April Fool's Day.
The history of this day dates back to 1429 when a court jester in Spain set out 1 day of the year to fool every person he saw as he was working for the King of Spain at that time. The Queen (who happened to be named April) loved his idea so much that she declared the day, April Fool's Day and from then on, they celebrated with pranks and jokes as a way to take their mind off of the current stresses of life.
That was completely made up.
I freakin love this day (said in my Jersey Shore Deena voice). It's a freakin blast (see previous). Some of my favorite pranks in the past were telling everybody to text Jody because he was going in for an emergency appendectemy... Or telling my co-workers at Spring Creek that I was in the hospital and wasnt gonna make it to work.
This year was different. I had to top everything that I have ever done before. And I believe I did.
My highlight - The Tattoo of Death.
Rumor has it, that if you get a tattoo of your spouse somewhere on your body, it is bad luck. So I talked to Cody over at Bonehead Tattoo and asked him to help me out. We put a stencil of the name "Lindsay" on my forearm, from the elbow to the wrist, then added a little black and red ink for extra effect.
To make it more believeable, I checked-in at the tattoo shop on Facebook. Then I waited until around 11:30 and posted the pictures on my page. With the help of my devious Aunts, we got it in my mother's head that I got this huge tattoo of Lindsay's name on me. And man was she mad/sad/upset/angry/worried etc. She was trying to be sly and get me to go to lunch with her so she could see it. But being the master prankster that I am, I wasnt budging. Then the questions started.
In the end, I told her it was fake, and she was relieved. I did ruin her day though. Oops.
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