Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hey Jude

Definintion of brass monkey

brass monkey

a 40 of Olde English 800 mixed with some OJ.

Typically one drinks the 40 down until the beer is level with the top of the cylinder of the bottle, then fill the bottle back up to the top with orange juice.

It is a very tasty treat.

Otherwise known as the "poor man's mimosa."


You wanna hit this Cognac man?

Nah... Poor Man's Mimosas until the day I die...

Sent from my iPhone using the Urban Disctionary Definitions app.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My Parents on Osama Bin Laden

Aunt Pebbles: What did you think about Osama being killed?

Mom: You know, it was somebody down there at Geronimo Bay that told on him and that's why he got caught.

Pop: Obama should have been dancin back down the hall after he gave his speech sayin "We got dat fool, we got dat fool". They need to bring his (Bin Laden) body back. We need to see it all burnt up.

Me: Burnt up? He got shot.

Pop: But they said it was a fire fight?

Me: They were exchangin bullets dummy.

Pop: Oh, I thought they was usin blow torches on him.

Do Work!

This video gets me every time.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Whats up Serena!!! SPANDEX ROCKS!

The trainer in my gym was jammin to this today. Seriously.

Confessions of a Serial Tree Killer, Pt. 3 - A picture is worth a thousand words...

 The images you are about to view are VERY gruesome and should only be seen by adults. If you have small children or you're a tree hugger, you might want to turn away now.



Killin is my business ladies, and business is good!" -  Major Payne


I slept great.

Let me start here (Hurrrr).

I didnt like the Paranormal Activity movies. No, I wasnt scared, because they werent scary. I WILL say that those movies are way better whenever you watch it in the comfort of your own home with the lights off, rather than a big theater.

So... about 5 am, we are peacefully sleeping and then BOOM!

Something in the living room fell off the wall..

Immediately I was like "DOUBLEYOUTEEEFFFFFFFFF" and Lin and I simultaneously peed a little in the bed.

I knew I had closed the windows earlier so the wind couldnt have done it. And the doors were locked all night long. So the next logical thing I could think was... it's a ghost.

Then my thinking turned to the famous rules of horror movies. 1st on my list was TURN ON THE LIGHTS. I never get why people leave it dark when they go searching for trouble. #2. Find a weapon. This one was no help, because I didnt have one. And I wasnt about to go charge someone or something with a clothes hanger. #3. DO NOT SAY "Ill be right back".

Of course, we all know that black people die first in these movies. So at that point I was like "Hold up!". Cause I knew there was a pretty good chance I might not come back from this. Maybe Ill wait around a bit til Lin wants a glass of water and she can check it out.

But I just told myself screw it, it cant be that bad. Cut on the hallway light, then the kitchen light. Looked around a bit, and all I found was a piece of wall art on the floor.

I have now narrowed it down to two things. Either there is a ghost in our home, which Im starting to believe since crazy stuff happens all the time, or Lindsay needs to step her game up and start buying some highER quality wall decor.

I sure am glad it wasnt a rat.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Do you like Hip Hop?? I DO I DO I DO-OOOOO!

My boy Coo will be in concert April 21, 2011 in Arlington and you do NOT wanna miss out! AND his newest single "Just Like Water" will be on ITunes this FRIDAY!

Make sure and check him out on Facebook and at

I scare Renee pt. 5 aka The Renee Shuffle

Friday, April 1, 2011


Speaking of April Fool's again, one thing that I do NOT like, along with pickles and Mexican food, is getting got. Say it out loud and it will make more sense. I hate gettin got.

Today, I got got. And I am so disappointed in myself. I should have seen this coming.

First... There is a young lady at work that I torture all the time. Yeah, ill admit it. I torture her. She is easy to scare, so I scare her. And when I remember to, I record it. She's been saying that she was gonna get me back, but I didnt think she would.

Yesterday, I even wrote her son on Facebook and asked him to mention me when he talked to her, and she freaked out. And when I say freak out, she FREAKED OUT. (For some reason she thinks I would be a bad influence on him and her other son).

I was given an idea at work, and I ran with it. I was going to get inside of a shred bin, and ask Renee (My "Victim") to come unlock it and get something out. We had the plan ready and knew exactly how to get her down to our floor, and then I would hop out and scare her.

The plan didnt work out that way.

I can't explain to you how mad I was at myself. It was such a let down. But I guess I had it coming.

You know what???

She has it coming... AGAIN! Watch your back!

April Fool's Day

Each year there are a few days that I REALLY REALLY look forward to.

1. Halloween - Duh! If you dont know this by now then you're a jabroni.
2. Fourth of July - Fire + Fire = AWESOME

And number C.

April Fool's Day.

The history of this day dates back to 1429 when a court jester in Spain set out 1 day of the year to fool every person he saw as he was working for the King of Spain at that time. The Queen (who happened to be named April) loved his idea so much that she declared the day, April Fool's Day and from then on, they celebrated with pranks and jokes as a way to take their mind off of the current stresses of life.

That was completely made up.

I freakin love this day (said in my Jersey Shore Deena voice). It's a freakin blast (see previous). Some of my favorite pranks in the past were telling everybody to text Jody because he was going in for an emergency appendectemy... Or telling my co-workers at Spring Creek that I was in the hospital and wasnt gonna make it to work.

This year was different. I had to top everything that I have ever done before. And I believe I did.

My highlight -  The Tattoo of Death.
Rumor has it, that if you get a tattoo of your spouse somewhere on your body, it is bad luck. So I talked to Cody over at Bonehead Tattoo and asked him to help me out. We put a stencil of the name "Lindsay" on my forearm, from the elbow to the wrist, then added a little black and red ink for extra effect.

To make it more believeable, I checked-in at the tattoo shop on Facebook. Then I waited until around 11:30 and posted the pictures on my page. With the help of my devious Aunts, we got it in my mother's head that I got this huge tattoo of Lindsay's name on me. And man was she mad/sad/upset/angry/worried etc. She was trying to be sly and get me to go to lunch with her so she could see it. But being the master prankster that I am, I wasnt budging. Then the questions started.

In the end, I told her it was fake, and she was relieved. I did ruin her day though. Oops.

ALSO... Shout out to my homie B.Bell for being my partner in the little prank we did at work today (Fake email, Co-worker is "getting married and leaving the company". Insert photoshopped picture of our co-worker and random guido, then send to people. WINNING). I think that was a success. Thanks for being cool Jennifer!!! :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sin City

Ive been recording this new show on the Travel Channel called Bert the Conqueror. This guy (named Bert) travels across the nation and visits the best and coolest theme parks.

One of Bert's first shows was about Las Vegas. More specifically, the Stratosphere.

The Stratosphere is the tallest observation tower, and the 5th tallest structure in the United States at 1149ft. tall. AND it is the tallest structure in Las Vegas.

What do you do when you have the tallest structure in Las Vegas and a very crazy, insane imagination???


First.. there is the more tame one out of the group. The Bigshot.

It is pretty much like the Superman ride at Six Flags Over Texas, except it's on top of a giant tower. I give this one about a 5 on the Ricky WILL pee on himself scale.

Then, there is X-Scream.

This ride is a giant see-saw. Watch the video. I give this one an 8.5 on the Ricky WILL pee on himself scale.

THEN, there is Insanity!

Im not bad about heights. But I hate spinning. So now.. If i am spinning 900 some odd feet in the air, im hating life. Look at that thing! (Are you looking, or did you turn away like I did?)
Ricky WILL pee on himself scale = 9.9

Now, for the granddaddy of them all...

The Las Vegas SkyJump.

Think of it as Skydiving minus the parachute, or bungee jumping minus the bungee.

You (The customer) have to jump off of that blue ledge and then you go straight down...
Apparently it is safe, but I dont know if I could ever bring myself to do it.  VIDEO!

I definitely give this one a 16 on my stupid made up scale.

Cant wait to go to Vegas... and watch other people do this crazy stuff.

Monday, March 21, 2011

My new stripper name...

Chik-Fil-A is killin the fast food game right now!!

Just left the new Chicken Fil A in Montgomery Plaza and it was the best experience ive ever had in a fast food restaurant. I was greeted by all 37 people behind the counter and Jerry Nell even filled my drink up for me. Loved every minute of it. If you're ever in the area, make sure you check it out. And to Mickey D's...

Step your game up bustas.

I watched a tribute to Greg Giraldo this weekend and they talked a bit about this. Had to post.

Very Interesting

Back in the days of my game show glory, I was asked a question about the legalization of marijuana. I answered that it SHOULD be legalized, but regulated in the same way as alcohol.

I watched this gem of a documentary over the weekend and it REALLY got me thinking.

The premise of the movie is simple. And stolen.

He would not use marijuana for 30 days. Then he would use marijana continuously for 30 days. During the 30 day periods he would take a series of tests to see how much better or worse he would do.

It was more informative than I was expecting. And it made me think a lot about why marijuana is illegal, but we still sell alcohol which does WAY more damage??

Anyways, check it out. You might learn a little something.

Man, oh man.

What do you get when you have 5 guys, whose ladies are all bridesmaids in a wedding, and the guys dont have to do anything but hang out and party?

Lamp shade.  
Spilled beer.

Broken foot.

Jon Padro: "Greg and I went looking for a gas station at like 430 in the morning, got lost, ended up at one 2 1/2 miles away, made some new friends, got an uncomfortably long ride back and hung out with a canuk outside...we were gone for like an hour and a half and all the while greg was in nothing but silk dress socks!"

This weekend was a success.

Matt and Megan

Congrats again to Matt and Megan (who probably wont ever see this) who tied the knot a.k.a jumped the broom a.k.a. got hitched this past Saturday. It was tons upon tons of fun and appreciate all that they and their families did for us!

Dont they look so happy????

Monday, March 14, 2011

Best E-mail ever!!!!!

Subject: I w-w-wear t-t-t-two d-different sh-sh-shoes

One's f-f-for k-kicking a-a-a-a-ass and th-th-th-the other's f-f-for r-r-r-r-r-r-r-runnin'.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Just wanted to give a big shout out to the guys at Floaters Sketch Comedy who have so graciously let me into their wonderful world of comedy.

Make sure and be on the lookout for upcoming sketches, and while you are waiting, check em out on Facebook and subscribe to Floaters Youtube Page. Watch every video, then send them to your friends and make them watch it, then make your friends friends watch it. Do it or somebody will hurt you.

Floaters on Facebook

Floaters on YouTube

Charlie Sheen

First off, let me say that Charlie Sheen is... He's... Uhhhhh.....

There are a few actors that I really admire. There's Jamie Foxx, who is great at anything he does. Then there is the Great One; The People's Champ; The Trailblazin, Eyebrow Raisin; Jabroni beatin, Pie eatin, most electrifying man in sports entertainment, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

And then there's Charlie. Oh Charlie. I dont even know where to begin.

Major League is one of my all-time favorite movies. Anytime this man is on tv, im watching it. I've loved all of his movies and tv shows (Spin City and Two and a Half Men).

This was before all the crazyness.

Now, Mr. Estevez is giving us some of the best, nuttiest, wackiest television we have ever seen. Yeah people are worried and blah blah blah. He's passing his drug tests live on tv. So there is some proof.

Point is, he's crazy. And as long as the media keeps interviewing him, he is gonna get crazier and crazier.

But I absolutely love it. Da End.

The Big Story of the Week...

I dont know if you guys have been watching the news lately, but if you havent heard...

Miley Cyrus hosted Saturday Night Live this past weekend.

Her performance was... eh. I give her a 6 out of 10.

As far as her looks, I give her a 10. A freakin 10.

Here's a clip of her best sketch of the night.


Welp... People have been asking me, "What happened to your blog? Did you give it up?"

Apparently, I got my days wrong for Lent. So I figured I would make my great, triumphant return on Ash Wednesday.

Welcome me back. Gracias. :)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Convos with Father

My parents came over just a while ago, and Mr. Ricky L. Wright Sr. had a lot of things to say...

Tiger Woods 
Me: Tiger Woods was at Del Frisco's last week.
Pop: He had a reservation for 5. It was Tiger and Fo Hoes.

Pop: Imma confuse all the teachers when yalls kids are in school. Imma go to the office and say "I need to pick up my grandson" and tell them that he's black. Then they will be lookin for a black boy but he will be white.

Pop: Where's Lindsay at?
Me: Tanning.
Pop: Tanning? What she wanna be black? Why dont she fold her lil ass up and get in the oven. 200 should do it.

Ruth's Chris
Pop: We can go to Ruth's Chris next week. We gonna get one steak and cut it four ways.

Me: This cruise ship has 4 pools and 10 whirlpools.
Pop: You dont wanna get in the water on a cruise ship.
Me: Why?
Pop: (Looks at Lindsay) Cuz of yo people. They put the sunscreen on then get in the water. You supposed to put it on after you get out. When they get out the pool the water looks like vomick. (Vomick = Vomit)

Me: Didnt you bring a jacket with you?
Pop: Awww shucky ducky I left it.

En Vogue- Don't Let Go

Super Bowl Sunday scare

Confessions of a Serial Tree Killer, Pt. 2 - Bait

The past few weeks have been rather... slow.

Not too many jobs to do, so for the most part I did a lot of staring.

Staring at these completely full cases of paper wondering why. Why can't I end your life.

Then, I recieved a message from an angel...

It was more like an E-mail from a person, but that's what it felt like.

They said "Ricky, I have something for you to print."

I jumped for joy. I was feeling the same way Jame Gumb felt when he would trap his prey, torture them, and then wear their skin.

Except what I do is sit the paper right in front of the copy machine. Make it watch me as I put their paper brothers and sisters into my tool of death. Then once a fresh copy comes out, sit it next to the untouched paper and yell "Smell the toner! This is gonna be you in a few minutes!!!!"

 Cruel huh?

I have people ask me all the time, "Why do you do what you do? What about the environment? You're killing the earth!"

I tell them one simple answer.

I'm a mad, mad man.

Chyna = Khloe Kardashian

They are the same person!!!!