Somebody's moves are a little rusty.

Every Little Step with Mike Tyson & Wayne Brady from Mike Tyson

The Beginning of Facebook (Thanks Brandi)

Ohhhh yeaaahhhh!!!

World's Dumbest

Dont know if any of you watch this show, but I am pretty addicted to it. Most of you probably watch Jersey Shore, so whats wrong with watching another show that has a bunch of dumbos doing stupid things on camera?

I was watching an episode with Lin, and it was showing a confrontation outside of an AUSTIN, TEXAS bar.

The place looked very familiar.

Anyways, a woman was drunk and upset with man. Drunk women who get upset with men usually end up pretty violent. And this one did.

She ended up slapping the man, pushing him, then punched him in the face.

Unfortunately, she went a little too far and definitely got punched back. He gave her, what we call in streetz, a One Hitta Quitta.

Funny thing about the outside of this AUSTIN, TEXAS bar is that it looked EXACTLY like the sidewalk outside of PR's in the FORT WORTH STOCKYARDS. So I rewound to check it out again.

I was correct. It was right outside of PR's, and I could see Main St. and H3 in the background.

Im kind of glad the announcer said Austin instead of Fort Worth. I didnt want this great city to be known for punching women. Even though, every once in a while, you just gotta show them who's boss.

*Disclaimer* The views of this blog are solely intended for... I dont remember what I was gonna say, but in NO way whatsoever do I advocate the punching of any woman. EVER! If you feel like you're gonna do something such as that, take a breath, and walk away.

Im shocked.

Went over to my parents house last night for a bit.

As I was gettin my ears lowered (That is a Doug reference for all my old school Nickelodeon fans), my mother comes in with her laptop and she is on Skype with her friends from Seattle.

Tonya Denise Nelson Wright was on Skype.

She was using it like a pro??

I started to think and things dont add up...

• She was using Skype.
• She has a Blackberry.
• My dad has a touch screen phone that he actually knows how to work.
• They both play on facebook?

What is this world coming to?

The other day I did have to help them with some phone problems. I know the T-Mobile guy was about ready to quit his job after talking to them. I dont think pigs are flying yet, but they are preparing for take-off.

R.I.P. Greg Giraldo

Comedian Greg Giraldo died Wednesday following a drug overdose, TMZ reported. He was 44.

Friend and fellow comedian Jim Norton confirmed the news on his Twitter: "Greg Giraldo passed away today ... RIP, buddy."

Giraldo's death comes just days after he was hospitalized for what his management called an "accidental overdose." He was listed in critical condition afterward.


The New York native was a regular on The Howard Stern Show for years and was known for his appearances on many of Comedy Central's roasts, such as The Roast of David Hasselhoff. Earlier this year, he served as a judge on Last Comic Standing.

Giraldo, who worked as a lawyer before turning to comedy, is survived by his three children.


A representative at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, N.J., declined to comment. Giraldo's agent and manager also declined to comment.

Yesssiiirrrrrr

This song will make you feel better!

Shout out to Jody for giving me some pictures from his childhood.

Put a hump in yo back and shake ya rump.

I can just imagine him with his little British accent...

"Mummy, put the pillow right here so I wont fall and hurt my bum."

Ha

Stinky Jenny: I'm sorry...

Me: Why?

Stinky: Because I'm having my brithday dinner at Cantina Laredo next Friday & I know you don't like Mexican food.

Me: You've had your birthday dinner at a Mexican restaurant for as long as I can remember. You've been pretty Mexican since I've known you. Why am I not surprised? And it's not the Mexican food that I dont like. It's you.

If you are what you say you are, a SuperStar, then have no fear...

Sorry I have been so late with this. Im a busy man so BACK OFF.

This weeks SuperStar is.....

Mr. Edward Skip McCoy

Skip, as he is known in the flag football world, is a self proclaimed athlete from the Dallas area. He enjoys reading Nickelodeon magazine, candlelight fast food dinners and watching re-runs of Desperate Housewives on his days off. He also admires some of the greatest football players to walk the planet: Sage Rosenfels, Chris Weinke, Larry Brown (When he was a raider), and his all-time favorite, Kordell Stewart.

The thing that made me choose Skip to be this weeks SuperStar, is not his mediocre athleticism. It's not his incredibly boyish looks. I chose him, because his biggest fan, Shane Dunavin a.k.a Ronny Collarpop a.k.a King of the Egyptian Brushfire, asked me to. I dont even like Skip. I have to single handedly coordinate the defense since Skip doesnt know anything about the sport, Bryan (Gary Payton's much older twin brother) forgets to get his cortizone shots before the games and his knees cant take it, somebody else just doesnt EVER listen to us, and Bird... Well Bird does his on thing. So Skip, lay off the Shake Weight, and step your game up on the field. We dont want to, but if we have to, we'll cut you faster than Buffalo cut Trent Edwards.

Tattoos arent for everybody

Worst Tatoo Customer In History - Watch more Funny Videos

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT! TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26 . Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Seriously???

World's Scariest Job *I got sweaty and queezy just watching this video*

Well...

I think that the

desperately need to...

Dont let us down this weekend boys. And Wade, get your thumb out of your butt and be a leader! (And tell Jerry to get his tail up in the owners box and off of YOUR field.)

My TV Rundown.

I watched the premiere of "The Event" Monday night, and quite frankly, I'm confused. But the DVR is set for the season so hopefully questions will be answered and I will find out what The Event really is. I hope all the drama, in the end, leads up to the new trailer for Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

A lot of people hate on this show, but I, Ricky Mufasa Brutus Cold-Blooded Lynn Wright Jr. am a self-proclaimed Gleek. I wish I could sing, just so I could be on this show. I will say, Brittany is my favorite character on the show, because she is so dumb (As Antoine Dodson would say), and because I know in real life she danced with Beyonce.

Just finished the Pilot episode of Outsourced. It was decent, but I think there is a lot of potential there for a very, very funny show. I hope they push the limit way more as the season moves forward.

(I have no idea where that comment came from, but I felt like I got sucked into a televison critics body and started goin at it).

I dont know why I didn't start watching this show sooner, but it is HIGHlarious. If you are a fantasy football guru, you need to be watching The League.

On another note, I really need my NFL Fantasy team to put in work this weekend. I need Andre Johnson ankle to break, Jahvid Best to have a really bad asthma attack, and Aaron Rodgers to get a bad case of food poisoning.

Best show on televison. Period. 

What is wrong with me?

Last night, I overcame one of my biggest fears, and dislikes in the world...

I ate Meskan food.

Did I like it?

Not really. But I tried, so I deserve some kind of points. Ill stick with the margaritas.

I still hate pickles.

The talk of the town...

By now, I am sure you have heard that In-N-Out Burger is coming to Fort Worth in 2011. Personally, I think this is a HORRIBLE idea. Everybody I have talked to that has had one of their burgers tells me "Oh emm geeee, In-N-Out is the best burger I have ever had in my life. I would give up my first, second and third born for a Double Double any day. Blah blah bloobity doobity doo".

I love cheeseburgers. 

And to know that a burger this great and amazing will be coming to my neighborhood, within walking distance (In addition to Love Shack, Jake's Downtown and Fred's) is horrible for my cholesteral and overall health. 

I will strive, to lose 20 lbs before this place opens. Because I know it will easily be gained back.  

AND they are open until 1:30AM on Friday's and Saturdays? Whataburger better step their game up. Fa reaaaallllll.

Payback

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Word.

This has to be one of the scariest things I have ever done... But i want to do it again.

Wrong BBQ

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Is Prison Fun???

As I sit here on this beautiful Tuesday morning, I wonder and ponder. I wonder, how the word wonder and ponder look like they would sound alike, but they don't at all. Then I wonder about celebrities, sports figures, people with money, and why they would want to go and ruin it all for a little bit of cocaine or ecstacy.

I just read on SportsCenter that Braylon Edward, one of the Jets top recievers, was arrested for DWI early this morning. What a dummy. I know you guys are happy that yall beat the Patriots, and you felt like partyin like a rockstar, but dang. You make all this money, why dont you hire a driver to take you home. Instead, you take the chance, get behind the wheel, get pulled over, try to cram a ton of icebreakers and 5 gum in your mouth before the cop gets to your window, then you go to jail. What a smart fellow.

Lindsay Lohan cant pass a drug test. One of the easiest tests to take, and you cant pass it. She has repeatedly disappointed me, and I cant even watch The Parent Trap without tearing up a little bit. When will this red headed bozo ever learn. Her judge needs to put her in the general population when she goes back to prison. Who cares if shes famous? Let her have a dose of reality and I guarantee she wont come back.

Clifford Harris is probably the biggest let down. One of the best rappers alive right now also happens to be one of the dumbest. Does he miss Wayne that much that he wants to go back to jail and be cell mates? They can be the newest prison rap duo called Soap Droppas. Incarceration is supposed to be an eye-opener. One of those places that you go, spend some time, and never wanna go back. Like Taco Casa, or Montana. I just dont get it.

I am a little scared...

I'm not sure what it is, but I keep hearing this noise in my hallway that sounds like somebody tapping a foot repeatedly. I am 85% positive that there is a ghost living here. I dont know if these apartments were built on an ancient Indian burial ground, or somebody was wrongfully murdered here or what.. But I just want to send a shout out to the ghost and let him/her/them know that we come in peace. We love ghosts and if you feel like showing your face sometime, maybe we can have a nice conversation about politics or dancing with the stars. We come in peace.

If all else fails, i'll call Laura and homegirl can bring some candles over for another crazy seance. (See my previous ghost story about her and you'll understand)

Football at it's best.

Oink Oink

Pig Scare Prank On Dad - Watch more Funny Videos

Bang Bang Bang!

This is the 2nd installment of a segment I have entitled "Bang Bang Bang". Every time I refer to Bang Bang Bang, that means I will be discussing crazy random things my dad says, and since he looks like Pops from Friday, Next Friday, and Friday After Next, I shall call this BANG BANG BANG.


On the way to the airport this morning...
Dad: Hey, stop at the Viro so I can get a paper.
Me: What? You mean the Valero?
Dad: Yeah, I said that didn't I?




Mom: Did you see Linda's black Mercedes
Dad: She got a bag of batata's?


Mom: How did you hear bag of potatoes?
Dad: I dont know. It sounded like you said bag of batatas. And it's not po-ta-toe, it's Buh-tay-tas.




I hope my kids don't get grammar lessons from their Grandpa...

I just noticed this.

I was about to tear into this good looking turkey and American Lunchable and I noticed that me, Lindsay and all of the people in this room are in the package. Lin and I are the Oreo, and everybody else are the crackers.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

True Statement. I love Wal-Mart, and the people that come with it.

Im not this dumb.

Mountain Bike Stunt Fail - Watch more Funny Videos

The Weekend is here.

Pictured above is my next tattoo. Im gonna put it on my chest. In between Copperfield and The Amazing Johnathan.

When I deliver reports in the morning, I get scared. I get very scared that I'm going to walk into someones office to drop something off, and they are gonna be slumped over dead in the chair. Then I will be girly sounding man on the news as they play the 911 recording.

That's when Horatio comes in to question me, and I tell him any information I can remember. Hopefully he can solve the murder before the killer leaves town, and leaves the country. With the help of Callie, Eric, and Wolf, I know he will be able to handle it.

Plans for the weekend include the following:

Lunch with the lady. Dont know where we are going yet, but hopefully she wants to eat something made in this country.

Hangman's tonight. Yes it's Septemeber, but I dont care what you think. Ill let you know how it is.

Tomorrow, I hope I dont wake up until about 2pm. And at night we will be purifying ourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka with The Kid and Morris Day.

I hope all of you peeps out there (All 6 of you that read the blog daily, even though I dont write on it daily) have an awesome and safe weekend. Tell somebody you love them. Preferrably somebody that you don't know, or never met before. It's amazing to see the look on their face.

I love you all.

Im letting you inside of my head...

I've had various people ask me "Where do you come up with this stuff that you put on your blog".

Well wonderers, this is how I do it.

First, I wake up and eat a delectable breakfast which usually consists of Cap'n Crunch Oops all berries, S'More Pop Tarts or toast with strawberry jelly. Unless Lindsay makes me breakfast, which in that case is usually waffles, or biscuits and gravy. *I was just informed that I will be having a breakfast made for me tomorrow morning and it will be pigs in a snuggie and eggs.*

Then, I pee. And while I pee, I close my eyes and take myself to a place far far away from here. A place with a big field that I can just run free, while listening to Good Morning by Chamillionaire. (See video below and tell me that you dont feel like running through a field)



After that, I eat two fruit by the foots, go to my favorite spa and take a warm mud bath. I dont know what they put in that mud, but it pulls all of the negative energy out of me and makes me feel refreshed inside, and out.

I come home, put on my silk robe, sit on the couch with a nice glass of Moscato, turn on my favorite Michael Bolton album, and get to writing. It's a very rigorous process, but I love to do it all the way through to ensure that my writing abilities will be shown to the fullest.

Now you all know.

Midday Mind Boggling Thoughts

Somebody once asked me what I do for a living.

I responded with "You can't tell? Im a murderer".

A murderer of mother nature.



I haven't watched CSI: Miami in a long time. I kind of miss Horatio. I'm still positive he would whoop Chuck Norris in a street fight.

I hate when I have to pee really bad, and I go in the restroom, let out a giant sigh, then somebody walks in. I cant help it that i've been holding it for an hour and it feels so good to release. Geez.

SOA is tonight. I can only imagine what kind of crazy stuff will happen tonight.

I gotta get me a Harley. And a gun. And more tattoos. And a beard. I've tried to get the beard but I am still no good at growing facial hair. Didnt know it was as tough as it has been.

RANDOM LINDSAY QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"My fingers are STILL blue. I gotta stop sticking my hand in the toilet".

Most Awesome College Pranks

The Time is HERE!

So what if it's only September... It's HAUNTING SEASON! OOOHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Was that laugh evil or what?)

If you dont know already, Halloween is my favorite holiday ever. There's just something about scary stuff that really excites me.

Anywho, I thought id give away some free advertising for a couple of my favorite haunted houses in the area.

First off:

(In my deep scary voice)

Cutting Edge, the World's Largest haunted house is now open for the 2010 haunt season.

Come make your way through an hour and a half darkness in this old abandoned meat packing plant in the area of Fort Worth titled HELL'S HALF ACRE! Can you handle a crazy man with a chainsaw banging on your port-o-potty as youre trying to concentrate. Will you be able to make your way through 10ft tall bubble room, or will you stay in there and play just for the free bath?

Cutting Edge: Open this weekend, and every weekend after that until we make enough money to survive for the next year.

Now...

The Hangman is back for 2010 and ready to take claim more victims than Dexter and Buffalo Bill combined.

Opening this Friday night, Hangmans House of Horrors will be in full effect, and ready to scare the crap out of you. Buy a combo ticket and get into all FOUR attractions. Also, Hangmans offers FREE PARKING!

Yes, I said FREE.

All proceeds are donated to charity.

Im going to both. And possibly a couple more, depending on how much drugs I sell and how much money I will have. Make sure you go out and support these awesome haunted houses. Because RICKY WRIGHT SAID SO SUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N.E.R.D. - Spaz

Shout Out to T-Bird! Dang cuh you are too fresh!

Weekend Countdown

1. Cowboys frustrated and disappointed me last night.
2. Random Person game still has no name, but it is still mad crazy legit fun. Please give me new ideas for a name. Thank you.
3. I wish my life was on tv. It would be pretttttyyyyyy funny to watch. Better than The Hills anyways.
4. Me + Bird + Grilled Cheese samiches + N'Sync = Something funny to watch on my tv show.
5. Dang Cowboys.
6. Margaritas, Whiskey, Beer and other random things make you feel awesome the day after.
7. I give people a hard time for being old. When I'm old, I wonder how im gonna take it.
8. We watched The Strangers, Saturday night. That movie is pretty creepy. Makes me glad that I live in a one bedroom apartment. Way less places for a murderer to hide, AND if i were to scream in pain because I was getting stabbed in the stomach by a man with a potato sack on his head, I'm pretty sure that somebody would hear me.
9. Hillbilly Hell is gonna be awesome this year.
10. I wonder how the Cowboys team meeting went today. I still love you guys, but we need to pick it.

Yummmmmmmyyyy!

TWO PIECES OF CHICKEN

TWO PIECES OF CHEESE

TWO PIECES OF BACON

TWO PIECES OF BREAD  (Bread is for sissies)

After you eat it, you will need TWO BYPASS SURGERIES.

This weeks episode was LEGIT.

If you missed this weeks episode of Sons of Anarchy, there has to be something seriously wrong with you.

I have not vouched for a show this great since The Wire (which I wish was still on).

Let me tell you... this season will get bloody, violent, bloody, bloody, and more violent. If you have never watched before, go rent the first and second season to catch up, then make sure you record the third season so you can watch that one too.

The last 3 minutes of this weeks episode will make your jaw drop lower than low, then you will rewind it to make sure you saw it correctly. THEN you will realize what happend, see the backlash from the Club, and think to yourself "This show is amazing". That's a stone cold promise.

DONT MISS IT. Thank you.

R.I.P. Hale (Im a spoilin S.O.B aint I???)

Im in this kinda mood today.

Part Deax

Where were we on this story?

Oh yeah... We slowly pull up to the house. (By the way, Brandi is driving, and she never drives.) Immediately, Brandi is like "IM NOT GOING IN". Lin takes a look at the house, and says "Im not going in either. Mav, gets out of the car, screams (Because she said she heard something), gets back in the car and she doesnt want to go in either. Apryl walks around the back of the car, and scared Laura so bad that she jumped in to my arms, and im almost positive she peed a little bit. On herself, not on me.

So here we are, us four brave souls walking into what is most likely a death trap. I didnt want to go in at all. I thought we were just going to walk up to the house, look at it, look around and leave. But nooooooooooo.... Laura the Ghostbuster wants to go in and investigate.

I completely forgot, Anna is with us too. Just another white female to throw on the list.

I need to pause from this story for a second because I just recieved two text messages asking me why somebody never gets a shout out. So here. Hello Brittany my favorite sister ever. Im shouting loud and clear in the middle of my awesome story just for you so I hope you really really appreciate it. Love ya!

Anywho (Sorry for the interruptions. I gotta please one of my 9 fans that I have), we walk into this old creepy house, arm in arm. There's trash on the floor, doors hangin off of the hinges, windows busted out and a mattress on the floor. HOBO ALERT HOBO ALERT HOBO ALERT. I just kept seeing this crazy ol hairy fella running towards us in my head, and in that case is to throw one of the girls at him and dont look back.

Somehow, Laura convinces us to go up the stairs and search some more. Dont know how she did it, but she did it. When we get up there, homegirl pulls out a candle, lights it, and sits it in the middle of the floor.

"If there are any spirits in this house, please give us a sign" (She's saying this with all of us standing in a circle eyes closed, except for mine because I was smart and looking around just in case we got bum rushed).

"If there are any spirits in this house, please, give us a sign....".

Im so glad they decided to scare some other crazy people that night.

And im glad i didnt run into this big guy....

The hands down creepiest part of the night... As we were walking up to the house, I kept hearing a noise that sounded like static from a walkie talkie. Im pretty sure Anna and Apryl heard it too. I must have heard it 5 or 6 times and the noise was coming from the right of me (South). After coming out of the house, a speed walking back to the car, we heard the noise one more time: This time, it was extra loud, and it was on the other side of us (North). Dont know what it was, but I wasnt stickin around to find out.

All in all, I had a suuuuuppppper fun time. So thank you Laura for being so crazy, looney, nuts, outrageous, insane. You rock, and you win SuperStar of the MONTH of October, even though its still Septemeber.

Click the link to watch a hilarious video by Floaters Sketch Comedy!

Stop procras... procrass... stop stalling and click the link. NOW!

Side Effects...

It's been too long.

Im sorry for my recent disappearance. Joran Van der Sloot got me and I thought I was a goner. BUT IM BACK!

And I felt like throwing a special honor out there today, to a woman who quite frankly, is nuts.

This ones for you Laura!

Where do I start???

I've been knowing Laura Craig since I was a freshman in high school (Lindsay and Brandi are the bestest of friends, and Laura is Brandi's mom. Get it?)

We have had some of our craziest times with this woman. No, we werent coaxing her to buy us alcohol, or getting her to buy us tickets to Rated R movies... We were running the cemetery's and looking for ghosts.

Seriously.

So last Friday night, after some dilly-dallying at Buffalo Wild Wings, we went back to Lauras to hang out for a bit. Around 2am, we were a tad bit bored. When your bored at the Craig/Coppedge house that equals... SCARY RIDE!

The destination for the night: Amityville Horror House. I had never been there before, but Bran and Laura said that they didnt even want to go there in the day time. This mission included the following people. ME (Black/Male), Lindsay (White/Female), Laura (White/Female), Brandi, Apryl, and Randi (White/Female). This was the pefect set up for a new horror movie. It was like I was in Tiger Woods paradise right before everything went downhill.

We get to the street that the house is on... Pitch black. Nothing out there. At this point, I was still feeling pretty manly and not scared yet.

Then, we pull up to the house. Oh, Em, Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to do something like this?

To be continued.... (Im at work, and I cant finish sorry)