Wednesday, June 30, 2010

(Im currently making a mean face)

I was thinking today of people that I hate. These are all that I could come up with for now. They really stood out to me.

Since about 2000, I have wanted to punch Bow Wow in the face. I dont really know why I feel that way, I just do. His music is dookie. He is not cool anymore. I cant wait to meet him one day, because I will punch him in the face.

Lady Gaga - You are annoying. Why cant you just be normal and wear a t-shirt and regular pants one day. Geez.

Taylor Swift, I know you love your fans, and your fans made you, and your fans are everything to you. But your fans dont care about you anymore. You're stalkerish and it comes out in your music. Im glad Kanye took that mic from you and told the truth to everybody in the whole world.
I heard Nick Cannon used to be funny. I wish I could have experienced him on stage, just so I could boo him. His face is dumb and like Bow wow, I want to punch it. But I want to punch Nick Cannon repeatedly. I think it will make me feel better about life.

Not Pictured: Mexican Food
Birthday Cake

I felt like I wasted my time with the first movie...


I wanna give a big SHOUT-OUT to all the Indians (Native Americans) for going above and beyond, and actually Making it Rain. Yall are LEGIT.

I also wanna give a shout out to:
DD Betts
The Albinator!
Meka (Will you ever get to be a SuperStar)
T-Bird and all of the FTB Mafia
Tasha (I see you doin it big over there in Norf Cackalaky)
Andre, JoeBob and Jenny
J-Si from 106.1 Kiss FM (Im pretty positive he will never read this, but I like him, cuz he's me, except he's Mexican)
Greg and all of the Floaters - My time is coming soon!!!
Happy Birfday Brian Morris
Coo Coo Magoo - Big thangs are about to get poppin!
Oliver Tull - I havent talked to ya in a while, so I gotta shout out to you... AHHH!
Lacey - Thanks for the goofy pics of me.

Michael Jordan Rookie Card

Man, this is a true treasure.
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Things in my head today.

1. I have 11 days until I'm married. Yep, married. It's starting to feel... what's the word... I dont know. It just feels like its here and im gettin nervous, kinda. But i'm not gonna cry, no matter what everybody thinks. I'm a man's man.

Well, a woman's man, but im manly.

2. I wonder who the person was that figured out, if you play with fire, you will pee in the bed.

3. It dawned on me today that a few weeks ago, a restaurant offered me a free sandwich, after I found an extremely large hair in my sandwich, which they made.

Should I actually go back and eat there?

Shouldn't they give me some money or something better than another sandiwch?

4. I hate the feeling that I am forgetting something. I feel like I have so much to do, but cant remember what it is.

5. Danielle from The Real Housewives of New Jersey is dumb as a box of rocks. (Supposedly that is REALLY dumb)

6. Why can't it rain at the time that I really need it? Why couldn't it rain Sunday when I was outside in the heat about to die? It would have been the perfect time for an afternoon rain shower.

Maybe as I was standing on the sideline trying to catch my breath and at that last minute right before I puke and fall over, dark clouds cover the sky and rain just starts to pour down on me. Man, that would have been amazing.

I think that's all for now.

It is out today!!!!

If you haven't seen this movie, I HIGHLY recommend it. Rent it or buy it ASAP!

Bird doesn't know I have this video!

Monday, June 28, 2010


I want me and then groomsmen to learn the dances from this video.


Everybody go to and vote for my friend Lezlie to be the 2010 Hometown Hottie! Tell your friends to vote, and your parents, step parents, cousins, Grandparents, Aunt, Uncles, creepy neighbors, and anybody else you see that knows how to use the internets.


Matthew Denman

This week's SuperStar was picked by my FBM (Future Baby Mama). Matthew is an incredibly bad beer pong player from Dallas, TX. He too, is getting married just like I am. So instead of a real present, I wanted to make him Superstar of the week as their present, therefore saving me some money. I really hope he reads this, and appreciates it as much as a real gift. And I want to give you a few tips before you jump the broom.
1.I know lots of rappers and "Ballers" say, DO IT BIG. Well... don't.
2. Leave the stress for people that you pay (Florist, DJ, Planner, Bride), and for your bridal party.
3. Remember to show up, smile, and say I do when it's your turn.

Congrats Matt! I hope you have a great week being all SuperStarry.

Notable People who almost got picked but didnt.
  • Jenny Ramirez (I was gonna pick you, but when I saved your picture, my computer crashed)
  • All of my little cousins (Yall are just super crunk and Im very proud of all yall the time.)
  • Robbins Brothers (I almost told you to suck it, but you fixed the mistake and we are happy now.)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Does this count as a funny story since its 13 days away?

So I get a phone call from my mother today while I am enjoying a tasty sandwich.


Me- "What's up?"

Mom -  "Aunt Pebbles went to pick up Lin's ring and they gave her the wrong one"

Me - "Is it more expensive, cuz then we can keep it."

Lin is in freakout mode. I understand why she is upset. Especially bein so close to the big day. But I mean, if you think about it, it is a tad bit comical. That is a pretty large mistake on the jewlers. I wonder how the phone call is gonna go tomorrow morning....

Anywho, all of the furniture is put together except for one table. It was all a lot of work, but it feels good to have the big stuff out of the way. Also, I have been through 3 garage clickers for our garage at the complex. Either all the clickers they have are ALL dead, or they really dont want me parking in there. Hopefully that will get figured out this week.

The sun beat me down today. It's time to rest.

SuperStar of the week is tomorrow. First person to write me a message on Facebook and tell me the code word "Tasty Boogers" will be it. HOLLA!!!!!


If you go to Which Wich?, make sure you always write something interesting on your bag for them to call out when your sandwich is ready.
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Saturday, June 26, 2010


After Fire Rescue Moving Service helped us get our furniture into the apartment, I got to work. I put the bed together and one night stand. All I have left now, is another night stand, dresser, and then our tables. I sure do feel accomplished since I'm putting all of this stuff together. I just hope that when we're sleeping in the middle of the night, the bed doesnt fall apart.

One thing I also figured out is IKEA really caters to men with their instructions. There are NO words: Just pictures.

Even with that, I still had trouble. Dang, I must be dumb or somethin.

Anywho, I wanna give a birthday SHOUT-OUT to:

My beautiful little cousin Jennifer Solis
Nicole Sherwood
Makynzie Powell - She's three but she is an avid reader of the blog.

And to the ones who's have already passed
Tammy Bowles (My other mom)
Ricky L. Wright Sr. (My first dad)
And all of you other June babies!

Do you need help moving?

We actually have most of our big stuff moved in already thanks to FRMS. It was way quicker than I thought, but that's a good thing. If you ever need help moving, give em a call. They all have big muscles.

You MUST watch this video!!!!!

Daniel Tosh's New Dance Crazes...

Friday, June 25, 2010

Hands off my nuts paco!!!

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

16 Days left.

I have the keys.

Now, its time to pack up, and get out of Saginaw and take that long, boring drive to Downtown Fort Worth. Holla.

Today, I had the great pleasure of scaring a lady in the parking lot. I didnt think fast enough to video it, but if I would have, the video would have been priceless. Rest assure, it will happen again, soon. After I do it, im gonna say

This event got me in the mood for Halloween again. I can NOT wait! I love scaring people and haunted houses and all the stuff that comes with it. Ill go ahead and tell you folks right now, if youre in the area and you want to go to a fun, put together haunted house, come to Laura's this year. I dont know what ill be yet. But im pretty sure im gonna get a Jeanette Ramirez costume and make everybody poop and pee all over their silly Jersey Shore and Lady Gaga outfits. That costume is hideous.


I wanna give a quick shout out to...

Brandi Coppedge - You rock.
Caitlin Brinkley - You rock. And I miss you dearly.
John Doney and Earth - Shout out.
Shane Dunavin - Even though your almost 80, you are a beast of a QB.

Oh yeah??

I heard that the words you play in Scrabble are usually what you're thinking of...
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This morning on the way to work, I observed a gentleman in Northside giving a dog some water out of a bottle.

But this wasn't regular water.

It was Fiji water.

Fiji water is like the Crys-tal of all the waters.

I love dogs and everything, but I'm not gonna give my dog some Fiji water. I can afford to buy one bottle of Fiji per month.

I sure hope that guy just poured some tap water in there and has been reusing the bottle.
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Have you been embarrassed by something lately?

Just remember, no matter how embarrassed you get, you'll be able to laugh at the situation one day. And somebody else has been WAYYYYY more embarrassed than you. (See videos)

What a day.

When i'm on the escalator going down and there are people on the floor below, I feel like a pretty girl getting ready to go to prom. Such a great feeling.

I received a text message today and the whole conversation went like this.

                   Unknown - "I want to hug and kiss you"
                   Me - "Ok, but you gotta take me on a nice date first... Who is this"
                   Unknown - "Holsomback. That was too my other boyfriend. Sorry to bother you boo"

Man, USA almost made me poop on myself today. But we got the job done. YES!

Finally got the whole DJ situation figured out. I cant explain how good it feels to have it set in rocks. Or stone. Set in stone sounds right.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Tuesday night TV is LEGIT

                               Jake and Vienna broke up...  :(
I also took a dump today. WHO CARES!


               This is simple.


Know your role.

Well it's 50% Official.

I am now, almost a resident of the Lofts @ West 7th. Friday should be 100% as long as everything goes swell.

You know what I hate? I hate when people walk right in front of you, but then they walk really slow. I have been wanting to kick a whole lot of people for some time, and I think I might act on it here pretty soon. When we were at IKEA on Sunday, people were just strolling and gracefully walking and talking and looking at furniture. I've never wanted to kick an old lady into an entertainment center as bad as when im in IKEA.

I wish I could be boogie boarding RIGHT NOW.

I went into my old stompin grounds today Downtown. It was refreshing. Then I kicked it with Billy and Antonio for a minute. They are so cool, REAL, people.

If you ever want to win guaranteed money in a game of dominoes, play Billy Patrick Jr. He is about as good as the Cleveland Browns during there 1946-Present football seasons.

One of the greatest scenes from one of the best movies ever made!!!

Monday, June 21, 2010

I hope your computer doesnt shake too bad during this...

Chubby B-Boy's Self KO - Watch more Funny Videos

The sky is just full of these amazingly shiny SUPERSTARS!!!!

Well it's time again folks.

This week was a very hard, random decision. So for now, I have three candidates to choose from.

Marcus Outland

So Marcus is apparently related to me somehow. We still havent figured out the exact location of where he came from but were glad to call him a cousin. This week, Marcus stood out to me because he is a dance machine. If you try to battle him on the dance floor, you will end up walking off with a look of defeat in your poor little beady loser eyes. I dont know if it was because of Juneteenth or what, but Marcus is really blingin this week. Also, he likes big butts. (See picture to the left to see how big of butts Marcus likes)

 Whitney Hudler

Whitney is the epit... epito... Whitney is what the meaning of SuperStar comes from. Whitney goes to show that even if you dont take showers every day, you can still brighten up some ones life (even though your undies might be dingy). Whitney and her husband Kris have been together since JFK was assassinated and continue to love and cherish each other dearly when they want something really bad. Whitney, you rock!

Robby McCans

Robby (Government name Miles Robert Tallahassee McCanisburg) really didnt do too much this week. But I like to look at his face every once in a while because he shaves it so nicely. Also, Robby works at Patrizios. And Patrizios is to Italian food like how Soulja Boy Tell Em is to rap music: Simply Greatness. Patrizios is so great and italian, when I pass by it, I feel like I'm still in Fort Worth, but super hungry for Italian food. Thanks Robby for having a great job and a cool face.


Have you ever woke up and thought to yourself "If my alarm clock wasnt my cool cell phone I would throw it really far." Well I felt like that this morning.

I survived though. Work went by fast, and then afterwards we were off to get our marriage license.
As we walked in, the scary dramatic music was playing and I immediately began to sweat. Lindsay looked at me and in slow motion she said "Thhhhhheeeerrrrrrreeeessss noooooooooo tuuuuurrrrnnnniiiinnngggg baaaaaaackkkkkk noooooowwwwwww baaahahahahahahahhahaahhaha". Then I ran.

Ok, I didnt. But we got it, and we are excited!. Then we took that excitement to our new home so we could sign our lease.

Fire trucks. Police cars. Blocked streets. Uh oh.

Apparently one of the courtyards in the building caught on fire. Probably because of the hellish temperature outside. But none of the apartments were messed up so thats good. Thank you Jesus.

Dang its hot. As soon as I stepped out of the car I was sweatin like Morgan Freeman at a family reunion.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Mayhem... Pure Mayhem.

Where do I start?
Oh yeah, the beginning.
We lost one man around 9:30pm.
The limo driver was ridiculously awesome at driving.
Fox and Hound was cool. Big room for everyone to kick it. We all had some drinks and had deep conversations about BP and the state of politics in today's society. Then I got stuck payin somebody's $50 tab.
Thank you.
Fat Daddy's was cool. We danced.
Then we lost another man. And almost lost him to the people that protect and serve this great city.
The moral of this story is...
Well I don't know if there really is a moral. I'm still in shock with everything that happened last night. I.. uh... Yeah I don't know.

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Saturday, June 19, 2010

My blogger buddy!

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What do I love!!!!

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Happy Junteeth Errbody!!!!

Texting will driving.

So, this morning I came to the conclusion that there is no way you can stop texting while driving. (Well of course, if you make it illegal and if you get busted there is a giant fine and possible jail time. But then of course it would have to be classified as reckless driving and endangerment or something like that. )
I believe America should look at texting while driving like they look at teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. America didnt say "Hey kids, stop having sex NOW!". They more politely said, "Hello younger generation, you dont have to stop having sex, but if you do choose to perform this act, make sure you use protection."
Therefore, we shouldnt be taking pledges to make our nice vehicles "No Phone Zones". We should take a pledge that states:

I will only text if I have a friend holding the wheel.
If I am alone, I will only text at red lights and stop signs.
If I am on the highway, I will pull over and send important texts if needed.
If I hit something, I will throw my phone out of the window and blame the wreck on the other person, or an animal that darted out in front of me.

*WARNING* Please do not take me seriously. I am a professional rambler and doing this under the supervision of other professional ramblers. Pay attention while you drive. If you run into me because you are texting and driving, you will recieve a crusty foot into your backside. Gracias.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Roy Wood Jr. - Emmit's Uncle

This prank call is by Roy Wood Jr.
He was just on Last Comic Standing the other night, and hopefully he makes it far in the show. This one is for you Laura!!!

T-Bird sent me this

Got to get me one of these!
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I am cursed.

This all started back in high school. One day after Jody, Derek, Bird and myself were balling out of control at the mall, we decided to go get some Wendy's. We always went to the Wendy's on Camp Bowie because after we left there, we would go by Katrina's house and throw stuff at it. Anywho, this certain time we were at Wendy's I was starvin like marvin. As soon as I got my food, I dug into it like an illegal trying to get into the country. Apparently, I was eating too fast to notice the GIANT hair in my food until it was too late...

Five to Seven years later, I'm enjoying a nice lunch with Lin at Baker Brothers. As I was eating my first couple bites of my glorious looking sandwich, I could feel something hitting my chin. I looked down, and what do ya know: A GIANT hair.

And there was a hair on my bagel this morning. What do I gotta do to catch a break???

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Come on dawg...

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Simply the Best!

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Did that greeting card just say Black Hoes???

This was brought to my attention earlier today. Personally, I believe I hear racist remarks and all the black people of the world should recieve an apology and a $5,000 reparation check for all the crap we have been through in this country.

Ok.. maybe I'm crazy.

Check out the video below, and then watch the link below that.

Was Hallmark talking about the solar system? Or were they shouting out to all the black hoes???

Racist Hallmark card (CLICK ME)

And people say wrestling is fake...

Mexican Wrestler Punches Fan In The Face - Watch more Funny Videos

Tonight is the night...

Text from Marcus

Me - "What up black face?"

Marcus - "What up Anglo-Saxon lover?"


This little man is going places!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A few of my Heroes

So I always hear people ask "Who are your heroes" and I never ever really thought about it until about 16 minutes ago. I mean obviously my dad is at the top, but who are some other people that really inspire me???

The Rock

He is, and always will be, the MOST electrifying man in sports entertainment.

Jamie Foxx

Jamie Foxx is hands down, one of the most talented celebrities out there. And one of the funniest stand-up comedians in the game.

 Craig Robinson

 Craig Robinson makes me laugh so hard, I want to pee on myself. If you haven't seen Hot Tub Time Machine, put it on your to-do list ASAP!.

William Wonka

 Willy Wonka has taught me many things in life. He once told me, "If you want to view paradise. Simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it.Wanna change the world? There's nothing to it...

Thank you, Willy, for the wisdom.
Also, Thank you for pulling Augustus out of that tube when he fell in the chocolate river. I thought we were going to lose him.

This is probabaly the funniest video I have seen in a while!!!!


This guy is LEGIT!

Thoughts in my head.

Do blind people see their dreams?

Can a kid in a wheelchair run away from home?
If so, shouldn't they be called Rollaways?

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet.

Hola Teresa!

This makes me wanna drink a 40oz. and shoot dice on a corner right now.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Today at work, a co-worker and I were talking about how he just now heard the rumors that Ciara was a man. I told him that it wasn't true, but he wasn't having it. I pondered on this subject all day, and decided I would do a little research on famous celebrity myths. I was surprised to find out some VERY true, and shocking facts about some of our most valued celebs.

1. O.J. Did it.
2. Justin Timberlake has a prosthetic leg.
3. Sarah Palin is smart.
4. Tiger Woods is a virgin.
5. Yep, O.J. Did it.
6. Britney Spears is a good mother.
7. Charlie Sheen is a cheap drunk.
8. All of the Kardashians are actually very camera shy.
9. Kanye West has no sense of fashion.
10. Tupac is dead... :(

These Myths are officially... Busted.


So I'm sitting at Ashley Furniture waiting on these people to bring our new dinner table and coffee table, when two questions popped in my head:

#1. I hope this stuff fits in the back of my dads truck.
#2. My dads truck barely has gas in it.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

SuperStar of the Week

Hello All,

I have decided to do something new and special. Each week, I will have a SuperStar of the week. This person will be chosen, not by the good things they do for the community: not for a great deed they have done: but they will be chosen completely at random. I will most likely ask somebody to pick a number, and I will find my SuperStar that way.

This weeks SuperStar is...

Michael Rhima

Michael Rhima is a 22 year old hustler from Fort Worth, Texas. A graduate of W.E. Boswell High School, Michael stands out in so many different ways. A modern day Robin Hood, his profession involves stealing cars from rich people, and selling them at his family's car dealership to poor people for a cheaper price.
Mr. Rhima is also a hero. Back in 2002, Michael was driving down Boat Club Rd. and came across an injured deer. He, so graciously, jumped out of his vehicle and administered CPR to the animal, who only had a broken leg.

It's the thought that counts.

So I salute you, Michael Rhima, for your great achievements in hustling and saving the lives of our most sacred animals.

You're my SuperStar of the week!!!

This show is a classic in the making!!!!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

What a day!

First of all, I want to send a big SUCK IT to the kids we played in one of our flag football games today. They were the most disrespectful punks i've seen. I mean, do you really need to cuss us out because we like to play ball and get a good work out and win some games. If you really play college ball like you said, then you wouldnt let a bunch of "hasbeens" come out and show you up. So, all of you young, dumb jabroni's that are probably going to flunk out of college during your freshman year, you can SUCK IT.

Parents, please dont hesitate to beat your kids. They will be better off in the long run.

On a lighter note, Church was great this morning. I felt very... enlightened. Then I felt like I entered hell trying to play sports in Texas weather at 1 in the afternoon. BUT I cooled myself off in Coppedge's pool. Whoever said that there was a chemical that you can put in the water and when you pee it changes colors, was lying. The water definitely stayed normal. It was tested and approved by me.

Now, it's time to sleep.

How did it end????

Not very well for Chuck...