Friday, June 29, 2012

Thursday, June 28, 2012

War. Uh. Yeah. What is it good for? Absolutley EVERYTHING!

One of the worst feelings in the world, for me, is gettin got. See video below.

When I decorated Thomas' cube, I wasn't expecting backlash. I wasn't expecting anything.

Honestly, I felt like my job as a decorator, and a good one, was shown when I went HAM on his cube.

Now, for the backlash.

I left work early yesterday. I usually leave my desk with my computer unlocked, knowing it will automatically lock in 10-15 minutes.

This time, I should've locked it.

Not only did these mongols change my out-of-office message on my work email (the one where I recieve super-important emails from very important people), but they also changed the orientation for my desktop computer screen AND put a picture of Tim Duncan's ugly mug on it.
Granted, this was very juvenile and weak. BUT they got me. And I don't like gettin got.
I hate gettin got.
To be continued...

"Don't waste your time getting even. Get ahead".

Monday, June 25, 2012

To Jenny:

It's 11:00pm. Not officially your birthday yet, but I wanted to get a head start. So I wrote you a poem. It's not just any poem though... It's one of those that is really meaningful but doesn't rhyme at all. Here it goes.

You're getting so old.

You're about to be able to drive.

I guess I'll let you drive my car.

I'm scared though.

Real scared.

Happy Birthday.

I remember when you were a baby.

Now you're not a baby.

The end. Love you Jenny!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A wish.

I want the narrator from Swamp People to narrate my every day life.

Major Dillemma

First things first; I'm not sure if I spelled dillemma correctly. Oh well.

Now, I have a newfound crush on Olympic runner Lolo Jones. See picture below... Or above... Or whereever it is on this post.

Watching Trials yesterday, I couldn't help but root for her and was so happy she solidified her trip to London. (And she had a really funny tweet about farting at the starting line to scare off competitors that made me laugh)

The bad part.

One day, I will have a child. And I'm almost certain it will be a girl.

My child will be a pretty little mix just like her...

I'm gonna end up catchin a case if any boys come within 50 feet of her.


This week...

It's my last chill week before life gets cray.

July = Cray

I have:
- 4th of July
- Bird's Bachelor Party
- 2 Year Anniversary
- Bird's rehearsal dinner
- Bird's Wedding
- Vacation
- My quarter century Birfday

And somewhere in between there I need to fit in sleep, golf, and work.

I'm not positive I can handle it.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

This video gets me every time.

Start watching ASAP!

Suits on USA.
Ep. 2 of season two is on tonight at 9:00pm. DON'T MISS IT.

Mind = BLOWN

Yesterday, on my way home, I decided to stop and try out this tiny place called Sunny Burger.

See that picture above? There's a liquor store on the left. Tire shop on the right. And the little baby building in the middle is Sunny Burger.

Now, I've heard rumors, from friends and family, that this place has one of the best burger's around. I consistently refused to believe that a place, not bigger than some of the terds I produce, could be that great. I mean, there are SO many great burger joints in Fort Worth alone. There's LoveShack (RIP) and Outlaw Burger and Jake's and Fred's and Smashburger and 5 Guys and Chimy's has an awesome burger and plenty other great names as well.

There's no way... right?

I ordered a #3 meal, no pickles, tomatoes or onions, fries and a Pepsi. While waiting for my food, I sat at their counter watching some crazy game show with a clown on Telemundo. Very interesting.

This burger was massive. Hot. Juicy. Cheesy.  And literally one of the best ones I've ever had. I was pleasantly surprised. I went HAM on this burger, fo real.
*Side note* You know how hard it is to drive down the street with a giant burger in your hands, grease everywhere, steering with your knees? Yes, I know it's dangerous, but I live life on the edge.

Anywho, I highly suggest you make the trip down North Main and get you a Sunny Burger. It'll rock your world. Guaranteed.

And if you do go, make sure and tell them Ricky sent ya!!!

They'll say "Who the hell is Ricky?"

This video is ridiculous.

So glad things didn't work out.

This guy could've been my father.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I love my job.

Somebody left this note for me on one of the floors today.

It's a stone cold fact. Keith Sweat is a god amongst old men who used to be relevant.

I want her.
Make it Last forever.

Nothin but hits.

Congrats Brad!

Brad has no idea that I changed his last name to his new wife's maiden name. I can't wait for him to notice.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Welcome to the Doghouse

This is where I currently reside. See below to find out why.

(Fictional conversation)

Ben: Hey Rick! Wanna do TopGolf today?
Me: Man I wish I could. I just went yesterday.
Ben: Come on
Me: No Bennett. I will not be able to make it this time. We will get together soon when it is better and convenient for the both of us.
Ben: Sounds awesome man. You're a great dude.
Me: Thanks homie.

(Actual conversation)

Ben: Top Golf Today?
Me: Man I wish. Just went yesterday.
Ben: Come on.
Me: Lol what time?
Me: Damn I can't. Gas and games.
Me: What time.
Ben: Sooner the better. Thinking about heading up there within an hour.
Me: Let me ask the wifey.
Ben: Cool. No biggie if you can't.
(This is the part where I should've said, next time).

Arrived at TopGolf Dallas around 6pm.

Got back home to Fort Worth at 1am.

I slept in the TV room.

This just happened

Associate - "Good morning. What's wrong with that damn ice machine".

My day is officially BRIGHTENED.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Lil Mawkuss...

Can't spell.

Father's Day Backseat Dance

He was literally ridin round and gettin it.

If you were wondering, my crazy father was not wearing a shirt because he was sweating after playing TopGolf today.

Plus, who am I to stop him from being free. It's Father's Day right?

Happy Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2012

By golly, I've figured it out.

If I combine all of the things I've learned from watching television, I'd be a ├╝ber-legit, young, hotshot lawyer, who doubles as a spy, has out of this world memorization and observation skills, is president of a bad-ass motorcycle club and cooks and sells meth to make a little extra cash.

The Verdict

These teeth are golden.

And by golden I mean really white. Pearly. Powder. Snow.
Mitt Romney white.

Place your Bets...

Some of these folks have no faith in me. Thanks co-workers!! (insert fart noise)


Can't sleep yet.

I have a dentist appointment in the morning. I haven't flossed. There will be blood.

Great workout tonight. Then I ate four slices of pizza. #postworkoutmealFAIL

The basketball game tonight gave me a RoxyLean heart attack.

Scott Brooks = Breckin Meyer

Suits was off the chain tonight.

I hate you Lebron. And Dwayne. And Chris. And Mario. And Shane.

Fridays are cool. But sometimes they suck.

I hope Tiger wins this weekend.

I go now.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hey Jen!!

I hope you never forget your place. :)

Game 2 Tonight!!!

Coming soon to a book store near you...

Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day (HD)

1 Year Recap

So, what's been going on for the past year? Let's find out:

1. Saw Justin Bieber at the mall. And then went on an awesome honeymoon, finally.

2. My mom turned 50. Shout out to AARP since they just sent her and my dad their brand new cards! Almost time for discounts at Furrs!

3. Spent new years with some awesome peeps.

4. I won two out of my three fantasy football leagues.

5. Reggie and Liz had their first baby.

6. Started getting into golf. I even recieved a STERN talk yesterday from Lin about my new hobby. The "practice makes perfect" speech didnt go over too well.

7. Garcia got married and I was a drunken animal in Shreveport, the day before and day of his wedding. I love weddings.

8. I held a baby Gator.

9. Got thrown off a golf cart.

10. Dressed like a Superhero with a bunch of people, then walked up and down a street until about 11pm. And at the point everybody was mad, upset, drunk, upset, mad, not talking, sleepy, angry, and mad. Oh what a day/night.

That's it.

In a nutshell.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Pepsi MAX & Kyrie Irving Present: "Uncle Drew"

It's been a long time...

Shouldn't have left you. Without a dope beat to step to. (I'm singing an Alliyah song, duh)

I'm back suckas.

The past year I've been on a magical, spiritual, soul-searching journey. I've climbed a few mountains, fought bears, even came close to death a few times (not because of the bears though. That was a simple task). BUT, I'm glad to say that I made it out alive.

Be on the lookout for a bunch of random and partly made up stuff from me. I'll be sure and remind my 6 awesome fans out there to check up on me.

In closing, I'm tired. So I'm going to bed.