Friday, December 31, 2010

To add to my 2010 post!!!

TJ and Merina got married too!!

Sent from my iPhone


Anybody seen this movie? I have, numerous times. And I love it. It's just so creepy thinkin about how this REALLY happened.

Then somebody was sayin how it would be cool to die in an awesome way. For example, if you were in the bathroom pooping at the same time as the CEO of the company you work for, and a gunman comes in and kills both of you. You would die in the same fashion as the CEO of a major company, and Elvis.

That would definitely beat out dying by choking on something.

But I think it would be pretty sweet being killed by a serial killer. (Zodiac, Charles Manson, Bufflo Bill - Fictional, but you get the picture)

Your story would be told to millions on the news and documentaries, maybe even a Lifetime movie.

AND you would have a good reason to haunt people.

I am determined to be a ghost one day...

I invented a new game. Play if you dare.

The other day I was fartin really loud. I mean LOUD! Like trumpet loud.

 I had the bright idea to record one of the massive ones and then send it to all of my friends. Then JD and Bird both sent me one back.

This means war.

If you ever get bored, record a fart, and send it out. It will make you feel good about yourself.

Make sure you do NOT fart too loud to your phone, because you could, indeed, catch pink eye. Know your limits.

Bird sent me this.


Well well well... This year is about 14 hours from being over, and i'd say it was a pretty good one.

I got married.

I played football.

Lin graduated college.

Jenny had a baby, and now the baby has probably taken more baths than she has.

Jody and Monica, and Greg and Amanda got engaged.

Bird is still hairy.

My best friend Q moved to California. (Shout out to earthquakes and great weather)

Gary Coleman died. At least he didnt have a short life.

C-Jai turned 21 FINALLY. No more underage drinking for her.

My cousins Andre and Joey started college. And they didnt fail any classes.

Reggie and Liz got married.

Adrian and Alicia got married.

I got a new job that I really enjoy, but only on Fridays. (Kidding, I like it all the time) (That's what she said).

And the most important thing of all...

I started this random blog where I get to express my feelings and make up a bunch of junk about life, poke fun at my family and friends, share funny videos, and relieve stress.

Thank you to all of you bored people out there who actually read this thing. I do it for you.


No really. I do. And I really appreciate all of your great comments. I hope all of you have a fun and SAFE New Year's Eve/New Year.

Im watchin this on TV right now. Please take the time to watch this greatness!

My new crack.

I dont know if any of you have played Angry Birds yet, but I suggest that you dont.

Because you wont stop.

It's like tryin to eat just one puffy Cheeto. YOU CANT DO IT!

I just read an article that said that Angry Birds was one of the Top 15 iPhone games to have. And Im pretty sure it was the biggest selling game of 2010 (Im about 67% sure on that stat).

Anywho, this is a fair warning to any of you with an iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad or iBallz, DONT BUY THIS GAME BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT GET ANYTHING ELSE ACCOMPLISHED IN LIFE.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


I got home, excited to finally play online.

And my mom bought me Call of Duty: Black Ops. I was just about to catch up with the rest of the world.

I turned it on and BAM.

It's dead, officially.

Big thanks to Jeff Crago for fixin it the first time, so I could get a little enjoyment out of it.

Now, the sulking begins.

This song is FIRE!


It was a good one.

I know people say that I'm crazy and weird... but you've gotta meet my crazy family to see that I am not the only one.

2 things that always happen at Christmas Eve with the Nelson clan: 12 Days of Christmas, and crazy random games.

My mom made everyone play this one game where you had a Kleenex box attached to your waste, and you were supposed to shake everything out of it. This is how it went...

Uncle Jr - "Say nephew, let me get that shirt. I like that Arrowspotal".

Then, it was gift giving time. And my mother is notorious for giving the craziest presents to everyone.

She walked her tiny self into the living room with two giant bags, sat them down, and started handing them out. Some of the gifts included:
  • Cologne and perfume samples from the mall
  • 2010 Calendars. (It's almost 2011)
  • Our wedding centerpieces filled with peppermints
  • Hand sanitizer
  • Shampoo samples
  • Used books
  • Digital clocks with no batteries
  • pencils
  • Mardi gras beads

I love them all though. Shout out to my cuzzos that werent with us this year, but hopefully we can all be together soon. This means you: Cookie, Kok, Tasha, Natascha, LeeCee, Tammy.

And thanks to Bird for my beautiful gift...


I am positive I had a nervous breakdown Sunday.

First off, I hate shopping. With a passion. Why did I want to go? Because I got money for Christmas and I wanted to THAT'S WHY!

So me and little Lin ventured west to Ridgmar mall.

Big mistake.

People would walk in front of me, and walk slow. Or just stand in the middle of the walkway.

I have never in my life, wanted to push and kick people as much as I wanted to on Sunday.

AND what's the deal with skinny jeans?? Why is it that they are EVERYWHERE. This donk is not made for skinny jeans. I would try, what I thought was regular jeans on, but then I get the pants up to my thighs and say to myself  "This aint gonna work".

I just wanted regular jeans that could fit this chocolate thunder.


My favorite pizza place in the mall, Italia Express is gone.
I knew they were gone, but as I was standing in line for the new place, I realized, I didnt want to pay $10 for a slice a pizza that probably sucked. I miss you Italia... :(

Chuck Norris...

Is a sissy. I dont know why everybody thinks he's this mythical figure that can kill people with his dumb Walker Texas Ranger stare and blah blah blah. I can name 5 people that would kill Chuck Norris.

1. The Rock
2. Horatio Caine
3. Hit-Girl (From the movie Kick-Ass)
4. Me
5. Rick Ross' beard.

PLUS, he does informercial's for the "Total Gym". But by the looks of it, it's not working very well for him. The guys from the Shake Weight commercials are waaayyyyyyyy buffer.

Where have I been??

I've been in minor hibernation for the past two weeks. I really dont know, why, but it doesnt matter because I am back. And now I shall pollute my blog with more randomness.


And if you were wondering where this picture of me in the cop shades came from, check out the video below. Shout out to Bad Apple Studios for being so AWESOME. Greg TeGantvoort is a genius.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Bird: My picture is all sexy! I'm about to post this on Facebook.
Me: Hahahahah
Bird: Everybody else is takin pictures in the mirror. I wanna take one too!
Me: Are you drunk right now?
Bird: Nah, I'm watchin the biggest loser.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Hey Cam!

You look like Stanley Ipkiss!

Thanks Freddie!

I dont think this kid got the memo.

Pranks Never get old.

Good Morning Lab Prank - Watch more Funny Videos

It's about time Dre!

A joke from a Popsicle stick.

Q: What can bite, but has no teeth?

First off let me say, that question was interpreted wrong. Or maybe read wrong. I really dont remember for sure, but this is what Kevin and I heard. The real question was "What has teeth, but can't bite?". The answer is "A Comb".

Kevin's PG answer was:

"It's gotta be a butthole. Cause it can bite a terd in half". (<-----Insert hysterical laughter here)

The Challenge.

I used to love Road Rules and The Real World.

Road Rules is pretty much gone now, and Real World is just boring. I could predict exactly what would happen on a season of The Real World. For example:

  • There will be white people, one black, maybe a hispanic, a gay person, a person from the country that says racist things, a funny guy, and a drug addict/alcoholic/bullimic - pretty much, somebody with a problem.
  • They will get drunk together on the first night. One of the roommates will get too drunk and throw up. Then they will be ashamed for acting so crazy.
  • Somebody will fight.
  • Somebody will complain about the cleanliness of the house.
  • More people will fight
  • People will make up, tell the confessional camera what they have learned about their self, hug everybody, cry and go home.
*Side-Note* I could also tell you what happens on every episode of Glee.
  • Rachel will sing some sappy solo about love.
  • Brittney will be dumb.
  • Mr. Shue will be sad about Emma.
  • Sue will make fun of everybody and try to ruin the Glee Club.
  • Kurt will sulk about something.
  • Artie will be in a wheelchair.
But that's besides the point. The most exciting thing about the Real World and Road Rules are the challenges at the end of every season. I love seeing the competitions and the backstabbing that goes on with this show.

If you didnt see it this week, then you really missed out. To make a short story shorter, CT came back to battle a person from the Red and Blue team to see who stays, and who goes. Watch the clip and see how it ended. :)

Im still confused.

Pictured above is a pickle ornament.

Yes a pickle.

Did you know that I hate pickles?

If not, now you do.

It was brought to my attention that you can purchase this weird pickle ornament and then play a little game called "Hide the Pickle".

Sounds gross, I know, but it confuses me. You hide the pickle somewhere on your Christmas tree, and then whoever finds it receives a prize.

Dumb right? I prefer to wait until Christmas morning when Tim Allen breaks in my house and puts tons of surprises under my tree without asking me to go find something.

Dang pickles are gross.

Hellllooooooo People!

It's me, it's me, that D-O-Double G...

Sorry about that. I was having an old WWF flashback. Shout out to the New Age Outlaws for being so fresh.

These past few days, I feel like I have lost touch with my people. I blame Facebook. With this number game, picture games, Farmville and all the rest of that junk. I wish we could go back to the olden days when Facebook didnt have to try to be cool (Myspace). It was just cool.

So I propose that we ban all of these silly games and get back to normal. Who's with me?

By the way, #740 - I hope you eat something you're allergic to, and then your face swells up like Will Smith's did in Hitch. And then I hope you take some medicine and sleep for 16 hours, and miss an important engagement.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Dear People,

If you are reading this, then I am alive and well. I am also completely annoyed with all of these facebook questions and change your picture to a cartoon so we can ALL be pedophiles together.

So I wanted to try something to see how many people will follow. :)

I want EVERYBODY that will, to change their profile picture to their favorite junk food, then have their status read:

"Change your profile picture to a picture of junk food today, for the National Fight Obesity Campaign. Copy and paste this into your status, to help the cause".

Let's see how many bozo's catch on.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Le Shout-Outs!

Cassie - ROOOAAAARRRRR! I miss you, and I would like to see my babies ASAP! Tell them Ankle Ricky said HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Tammy - Miss my other mama! Little Tanner's quarter century birthday is coming up. Maybe we should do something really special this year.... Tell Derrrrrrnnnn I said what's up. :)

Brandi - What can I say about you that I havent said about somebody else important.
        Im only kidding. Im glad I have some sisters like you and Brit. Well... more you, cuz Brittany is kinda weird and she smells funny sometimes.

Joseph Michael Davis Solis a.k.a. Joe Bob - What up lil cuz! Im ready to kick it with you and all the fam again at Christmas. Me and Reggie have some plans... All im gonna tell you though is GET READY!

Kinsey - Hello. What can I say about you that I havent already said about your sister. You're the little sister I've never really wanted, but I love ya anyways. So proud of you for ACU. Wait... you're still goin there right? BTW, Im ready to see you run some track! DO WORK.

La'Tricia - Pardon me for that typo, I meant to say COOOOKIE!!!!!!! Miss you and Kok. We need to make a trip soon. How about all of the cousins that are of age, go to Vegas for a weekend????

Sir-Spanks-A-Lot - Hello to my old improv friend. Glad to see you're doing well. One of these days, you're gonna be famous. I know it. If you need a personal assistant, let me know. Im sure im good at making coffee, or fetching other things for you. It could be like the life of a modern day indentured servant.

Brittany - Apparently I have two Britney Smiths as friends. And I thought one was knocked up, but its the other one. (Thanks for lookin out Lin). Anywho, im glad I can make your bad days better with my constant rambling and jibber jabber non-sense. I hope all is well, and stays well. Or else....   

Monday, December 6, 2010

What is the point...

Of checking in on Facebook. Do you really want everybody to know where you are?

I dont care if you check-in in your bedroom. Where else would I expect you to be at 10:30 on a Monday night?

I dont care that you're eating at a fancy restaurant that I probably cant afford to eat at.

I dont care that you are peeing.

I dont care that you are in jail.


What do you do if you were in possession of something that was mine, and I really wanted it back? Then you just happen to Check-In at Movie Tavern???

Im gonna walk downstairs and across the street, punch you in the throat, and take it back.

Stop this madness.

I feel for Heath Miller.

If you didnt watch the Steelers vs. Ravens game last night, or you dont watch ESPN, watch the video below...

Since this NFL season started there has been a lot of hubub (old folks word) about concussions and helmet to helmet hits. I've been trying to decide where I stand on it, because I, like many of the players in the NFL, have experienced multiple concussions (You are probably saying to yourself "Wow that explains a lot". )

If I ever find my BIG concussion video, Ill put it on here. You will laugh.

Anywho, I really think the referees need to do a better job. I think it is completely retarded that somebody can land an illegal hit and the next day you find out you get fined $40,000 for it.

Stop trying to kill each other every play. Leave that to the guys who play Semi-Pro football that think they are still awesome.

Welcome Back!

Thanks to Mr. Jeffery Leonidas Crago, I have been reunited with someone very near and dear to my heart.

It's been a long, long time since we have spent some good, quality time together. I am so ready rekindle our love, and get back on track. Forgive me for these past months. I've been crazy busy, and I just had to push you aside. I wont ever do it again.

Lindsay isn't happy at all. I dont know why, because now she gets to watch all of her girly movies.

It's ok though. I still love you. So glad to have you back.


Unless you have been living under a rock for the past week, you might have noticed people changing their profile pics to their favorite childhood cartoon.

It was supposed help fight child abuse.


I have no earthly idea. But lots of people participated.

I halfway did, because my picture was of Zack, the Black and African-American Power Ranger. That was live action, and not a cartoon. He was cold blooded though. And a great dancer. If some of you might remember, he was a part of the sponsored skate crew on the Disney movie "Brink". What a guy. I just saw him on a commercial the other day too.

That's besides the point.

Apparently, changing your picture meant absolutely nothing, and it was said on television that pedophiles change their facebook pictures to get young kids to be their friends.

So I want to send a big shout out to the 86% of people on my friends list that are now confirmed pedophiles.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Ronnie DeVoe (New Edition)                  Chris Bosh (Miami Heat)

They are related. Im 15% positive.

Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison

The World's HOTTEST pepper! (From Yahoo)

World’s hottest pepper is ‘hot enough to strip paint’

Fiery food mavens seeking to one-up each other now have to gear up for a whole new test of culinary bravado: the world's hottest chili pepper.

Yes, the Naga Viper, the latest claimant to the world's-hottest-pepper crown, outdistances its predecessor, the Bhut Jolokia, or "ghost chili," by more than 300,000 points on the famous Scoville scale of tongue-scorching chili hotness. Researchers at Warwick University testing the Naga Viper found that it measures 1,359,000 on the Scoville scale, which rates heat by tracking the presence of a chemical compound. In comparison, most varieties of jalapeƱo peppers measure in the 2,500 to 5,000 range -- milder than the Naga Viper by a factor of 270.

You might think the Naga Viper would hail from some part of the world with a strong demand for spicy food, such as India or Mexico. But the new pepper is actually the handiwork of Gerald Fowler, a British chili farmer and pub owner, who crossed three of the hottest peppers known to man -- including the Bhut Jolokia -- to create his Frankenstein-monster chili.

"It's painful to eat," Fowler told the Daily Mail. "It's hot enough to strip paint." Indeed, the Daily Mail reports that defense researchers are already investigating the pepper's potential uses as a weapon.

But Fowler -- who makes customers sign a waiver declaring that they're of sound mind and body before trying a Naga Viper-based curry -- insists that consuming the fiery chili does the body good.

"It numbs your tongue, then burns all the way down," he told the paper. "It can last an hour, and you just don't want to talk to anyone or do anything. But it's a marvelous endorphin rush. It makes you feel great."

I dont know how this guy does it. I can barely eat mango habanero wings from Buffalo Wild Wings (Shout out to my boy Q) without breaking a sweat.

In the words of Bird "I'd be s****** fire for weeks".

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Giveaway #1 for this week goes to...

Mr. Matthew Cz... Czk... 

(gotta look it up on Facebook)

Mr. Matthew Czizek!

I've known this jive turkey for a long time. We go way back to Highland Middle School Band! I was the cool kid on the sax and Czizek was the big man on the trombone. Plus, he is probably the biggest Dallas Cowboys fan I know.

Matthew wins my Funny Status Contest this week, but not for his funny status. He sent me a link to a website that completely changed my life. ( And with that simple task, he is a winner this week and will recieve a special One-of-a-Kind prize from ME! CONGRATS

*Make sure and search around that site. Just like Nick Cannon, it's HILARIOUS. *

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Jimmy Johnson is a GENIUS

My embarassing moment .

You know, a lot of people ask me "Rick, do you ever get embarrassed".

Then I think.

And think some more.

I recall one time when I was very, very embarrassed.

It was back in the day when I was working at another place, that had computers and copiers and what not. It rhymed with SmedPex Flinkos. Anywho, my great friend Jody called me and was like "Bro, these guys at the fire station pulled a prank on me and I need to get them back". So naturally I was like "Let's do this!".

Jody told me he wanted me to photoshop one of the guys head on a fire fighters body (a fire fighter with no shirt, holding a hose in a weird way, you know. Picture it in your head). I wasn't doing anything that day, so I got to work. I found this HIGH-larious picture, fixed up the picture all nice and made copies of it. The payback went over well.

A few weeks later, our computer tech person came over to our store, to check how things were running. He was there for a few hours and then left. As he walked out, I felt like he was giving me the weirdest look.

Boss lady called me upstairs after he left.

Elva - "He was looking at the history on the computers".

Me - "That's cool. I know I played on Facebook a lot".

Elva - "He saw some Facebook, Myspace. And he said somebody was looking at gay porn".

I EEEEEE-MEDIATELY knew what she was talking about and all I could say was...


That had to be one of the most embarassing, but funny times in my life.

Ohhhhh Bo.

Kurt Sutter Interview

UGO Editor-in-Chief Chris Radtke spent some quality time with Kurt Sutter, creator of Sons of Anarchy, to talk about Season Three, the explosive finale and what's down the road for SAMCRO.

CHRIS RADTKE: I just watched the Season Three Finale and I have to say: nice glasses, Otto.

KURT SUTTER: Oh, thanks man.

RADTKE: Did you always see Agent Stahl going out like that?

KURT: When we introduced her character in Season One, she was obviously a different animal than the current character, but Ally Walker brought this great sort of quirky madness to Stahl. You know Ally just has this crazy gleam in her eye.

RADTKE: She has that wild eye.

KURT: It really was. She really helped me shape that character and making her a little more of a predator. She was probably more of a sexual predator than any of our guys were. You know she had that crazy energy. We pushed the envelope, I've always sort of pushed toward getting to the most absurd choices organically as we can, and I think the choices she made with that character really gave me the freedom to go down that road. I think once the scene happened with Otto in the prison, I think that was really the turning point for Stahl in terms of crossing the line, in that it's no longer a necessarily objective opinion, it became personal for her.

You know obviously this season Jax plays her like a fiddle in terms of knowing where her weaknesses are and you know that Alpha Cop Paradox which is you become so obsessed with getting the bad guy that you ultimately have to become more evil than the evil you are pursuing. They played with that all the time on The Shield. I really think that was the case for Stahl this year. Seeing her need to use the Sons to get to the bigger goal of the IRA and this whole international gun running thing that would make her a superstar and that she's ultimately a woman that is driven and probably not unlike Tig, I think she's sociopathic and has no intimacy. I think all her relationships including the one with Agent Tyler weren't about intimacy, they were all as a means to an end.

I wasn't quite sure how the whole scapegoat thing would play out but ultimately as we started creating this character of Tyler and she became a greater threat to what Stahl wanted to do, it served Stahl's character best if she killed two birds with one stone, literally. We were able to push boundaries with that and to me I always knew there would be that reaction that happens in the finale when Jax figures out exactly what she's done. Jax has that moment where he literally takes a step back from her because he realizes that she's nuts. That ultimately she's far more evil or Machiavellian than he or Clay or the Club is. We knew we were going to cater down that road, and there's not a lot of places you can go after that.

RADTKE: She's one of the best TV villains I've seen in years. What do you do without her?

KURT: I hear that, and ultimately the truth is that after this season, after what she's done to Tyler karmically, she has to go away, you can't get away with that. The same way Jimmy couldn't get away with what he was doing. Honestly I always think of the way I can tell a fresh story without it feeling derivative, and after this whole thing I don't know how to plug Stahl in there without it becoming a variation of what was done before. So yeah, it sucks to lose her but ultimately I think that for the narrative to move forward and Jax to be a rat, obviously all that had to go down. You know, I think we earned that death.