Tuesday, November 30, 2010

All they got was $25,000 fines.

I dont like Finnegan. He's dirty.

Plus, the Titans were gettin whooped in the game. Why did he instigate another beat down???

Hats off to Andre Johnson though. He was ready to take the punishment like a man. He was in the wrong, and knew it.

$25,000 to Andre Johnson is like $10 to me, on a week that I get paid.

I wake up singing this song. GT, we gotta get started on somethin QUICK!

The best way to end a friendship or relationship.

It's a little board game called...


The rules of the game are simple: Get the people on your team to say the word on the card. BUT there are 5 words that you CAN NOT use or else you die, or something like that. You see how many you can get before time runs out.

Here's an example.

APPLE
(The word you want your team to get)
  • Red
  • Green
  • Macintosh
  • Ipod
  • Steve Jobs
(Those are the words that you cant say, when trying to get your team to figure out the word)


It seems simple enough, until you partner with Tanner Bentley and Christopher Nicholas Garcia.

This game gets you sooooooo fired up, because 1. You try to make it as simple as possible to understand what you are saying, 2. You want to say the hint words so bad but you cant 3. You're thinking in your head, "Why arent my friends smarter?".

I was hoping Antoine Dodson would walk through the door, and say "YOU ARE SO DUMB! YOU ARE REALLY DUMB, FOR REAL.

Me: Bird, this is what I say you look like all the time
Bird: Gay! A wolf!
Me: The second one that you said. Now say the whole word.
Chris and Bird: Ummnm.... Wolf. Coyote. WOLVERINE!!

The word was "Werewolf" and no, we didn't get the point.

I guarantee, if we would have played another game or two, and lost, there would have been more punches than an NFL game. (Yes, I just made a reference to the Andre Johnson/Courtland Finnegan fiasco).





Miami Heat


The minute Lebron announced he was going to Miami, with his two girlfriends Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, I IMMEDIATELY knew that this team would not be what every one expected.

And they are not.

Now there has been talk that the players are not happy with their coach, Eric Spoelstra.

If I was on the bench, or a fan, I would be unhappy with these three superstar athletes who arent playing up to the hype. Dont blame the coach for little stuff. In the end, it's you on the court, losing games in front of America. Kobe isn't a loser like you! thats why he has multiple rings.


BTW, these rules of being unhappy with the coach only apply to Basketball, and not football. Shout out to the unemployed Wade Phillips and Brad Childress!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Just saw this driving...

Thanksgiving

Had a lot of fun with all of the families yesterday.

I have learned that it's not just my parents that say random stuff, but all of them do. But I love them all!


As I was on a FaceTime call with Cookie from Atlanta...

Uncle Jr. - Cookie! How you get in the phone? How you do dat Lil Rick??? Thats crazzzzy! Can you see me? How can I be in the phone???

Thursday, November 25, 2010

SAGET!

Dear NKOTBSB

I don't know if they thought this acronym through. Because instead of sounding all crafty and clever, it means "New Kids on the Backstreet Boys". Think about it...

Anyways, I saw their little performance on the AMA's Sunday. Yes I was singing along, but they were missing one thing.

True talent.

I could get 8 guys (To make a total of 9, because Kevin quit the Backstreet Boys to get away from the royal embarassment of this tour) and sing 10 times better than those old farts.

If they REALLY wanted to make some true cash, add N'Sync on the tour.

Wait, I take that back. N'Sync should do their own tour. And the opening acts should be 3LW and All 4 One. That would be ultra legit.




See, they are the best.

African-American Friday

People keep asking me if I'm going shopping on Friday.

I had to go all Whitney Houston on them and say "Hell to da naw!"



I hate regular shopping. If I go to the mall, I go to 4 stores.

  • Macy's
  • Lid's
  • Champs
  • Pac Sun
And occasionally, Hot Topic, because they have cool T-Shirts.

I have an Xbox, a computer, a big TV, kitchen appliances, cell phone, video camera etc. Dont wanna wake up at 3am, only to stand in line at 4am, only to get trampled at 5am.

To all of you that will be going out to fight the crowds, be sure to wear some football pads, and definitely a mouthpiece. BE SAFE!

Happy Thanksgiving to you All!

Well Hello my friends!

I hope everyone has a fun, safe and very filling Thanksgiving!

In honor of this glorious day, I am going to give you 10 Things that I am thankful for. :)

1. God - Because he is still letting me live a great healthy life on His green Earth.

2. Lindsay a.k.a. Spiritz a.k.a. Little Bear a.k.a. FBM - You are just awesome. And you feed me. And you put up with my late night/early morning boy band singing. I love you.

3. My parents/family - You have made me who I am. A crazy person. But I love you for it. So thank you!

4. FTB - Yes, I still refer to you as the FTB. Yall are my boys fo life. I still think about the days back in high school when we used to wear matching Neon Moon shirts. Thats how we roll.

5. Common Sense - Im so thankful that I have a little bit of this. It is always needed and im so thankful to have some. This morning I was having a dream about eating today, and I slobbered all over my pillow. I mean it was pretty bad. But thanks to common sense, I flipped my pillow over. That's what Im talkin about.

6. Kanye West - Thank you for putting out one of the most amazing albums I have ever heard. I have listened to it in its entirety more than 7 times, and it gets better and better each time. You are a musical genius. Forget what everybody else says.

7. Happy 18th Birthday Miley Cyrus.

8. AT&T U-Verse - Thanks for the free HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, Starz and Encore this week. We are recording tons of movies this week. (I still need to look through the guide and see if there are some more movies though because Lin is recording a lot of girly stuff.)

9. Thanks Richard Seymour for punching Ben Roethlisberger.

10. Thanks for the Cowboys for showing a little life even though you are 3-7. We still have faith. Well, I do.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sarcasm.

–noun



1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.


2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.
 
A form of irony in which apparent praise conceals another, scornful meaning. For example, a sarcastic remark directed at a person who consistently arrives fifteen minutes late for appointments might be, “Oh, you've arrived exactly on time!”


Taylor Swift is AWESOME.

The Highlight of my Sunday!

Giving Back

I am so elated that I was able to give out the first AUTHENTIC prize for my Funny Status Contest. I really wanted to give back to the people I do this for. Just like Lady Gaga, my fans mean the world to me (all 22 of you). If it wasnt for my fans, I would just be another bozo with a laptop and a brain full of random thoughts.

Well... I still am that guy, but I'll take what I can get.

Big shout out to my first winner, Adrian Parker; Cherish that prize. Keep it close to your heart.

And I also wanna shout out to Michelle Gutierrez, who threatened me last night when I ran into her. She told me if I didnt shout her out on my blog, she would tie my shoe strings together and place a "Kick Me" sign on my back without me knowing. Happy now??


Be on the lookout for more contests and giveaways!

Oh Hello again...

Friday night, I watched one of the scariest movies I have seen in a while. Usually I get very upset with scary movies, because most of the ones that come out these days are horrible (i.e. Drag Me to Hell, Paranormal Activity, Paranormal Activity 2, The Fourth Kind, etc.)


It didnt do too awesome in theaters, but I thought it was very well done. It was KIND OF like the Saw series but WAY, WAY, WAY better. It's gory. Suspenseful. Will make you cringe for sure. Check it out people! But dont watch it alone...





Friday, November 19, 2010

WGN Morning News Bridge Fail

I had to take it back for a minute!

The Winner!

The winner of my first week of the Funny Status Contest is.... (Insert drumrolll)

ADRIAN PARKER



Adrian made me chuckle with his status that read:

Hello. My name is Adrian and I'm a Libra. I enjoy eating yogurt with a fork, driving 10 mph above the speed limit and occasionally listening to Trace Adkins. I have a love/hate relationship with socks, way too many shoes and always wanted to date Rainbow Bright* when I was a kid.

(*Google her, she was way hot)



Thanks for the laugh, and you will get your prize VERY soon.

The WAR



VS.



Do you really have to ask who wins this war? IHOP is too expensive. Yeah, they have more variety, but it doesnt feel right goin in there.

The people at Waffle House always make me feel like im home. Like im a part of the family. So what if there are a couple of flies in the place? Everybody has had flies on their food before. It makes that All-Star Special taste that much better.

Shout out to Cyndi who used to work at the Waffle House on Blue Mound rd. I dont know if she still works there, or if she can read, but she always took care of us.



Bird: I want a B.A.B.
Everybody: What's that?
Bird: A big ass bowl of grits.


Paranormal Activity 3

No, it's not another one of those horrible movies... This is REAL LIFE STUFF.

So last night, while I was sleeping peacefully in my queen size bed that we purchased from IKEA, something crazy happened. I cant explain it at all.

I was freezing, as I usually am in the apartment, because my little penguin of a wife likes it cold when we're sleeping.

Out of nowhere, Lin (I've actually given her a Flavor of Love name, and it is "Spiritz") randomly rips the covers off of me, like she was pulling a table cloth off of a table, with all of the dishes still in place.

I couldnt see my face (For obvious reasons), but im sure I was like:


I dont know what's going on in her head. She has had some pretty bad dreams before about me being murdered. Plus there is a ghost in our apartment! (I know this because 1. the strange tapping noise I always hear and 2. I downloaded a Ghost Tracker Application on my phone, and that thing doesnt lie)



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Shout out to the hood rats at Denny's!


Halloween Fight At Denny's - Watch more Funny Videos

My Folks keep em comin.

Ma: Ask your Dad what kind of sauce is on the wings.
Me: What kind?
Pop: Habana.
Me: Habana???
Lin: Does he mean Habanero???


Ma: Aww you got me every color of socks that I need. Now I dont have to wear yours anymore.
Pop: Yeah put mine back in my drawer. I hope the alaska is still good on them.
(Alaska = Elastic)







Ma: Lindsay, I went to Yogurtland today and I got like 4 different kinds in my cup. I had strawberry, chocolate and vanilla swirl, and then I put some plumgrannies in it. We used to eat the seeds from the plumgrannies when we were little!
Me: Hahahaha! You know it's not a plumgranny right???
Ma: What is it? (Completely serious)
Lindsay: Pomegranate.
Ma: (Embarrassed) OHHH MY GOOOSSSHHHHH! I said that to some people at work and they probably think I am so country now!

Shout Out!

I want to send a BIG BIG BIG shout out to someone...



Today is my mother's _ _th birthday and I just wanted to say HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I LOVE YOU.

YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Click the link to see the Top 10 Catches in Week 10 of the NFL

99 PROBLEMS

Well...

Did anybody expect Pac-Man to lose?

I'll admit, I was a little nervous because of the height, weight and reach advantage.

Manny Pacquio was not. (See below)


Apparently Pac was givin out fractured eye sockets as early Christmas gifts last night.

Why didn't they call the fight???

Because "Margarito wanted to keep going. He is a warrior".

He is also a loser.


Now, the question is...



Will this super, mega, ultimate, historical fight ever happen?

Good Job Cowboys!

I knew they had it in them.

Yeah, everybody in Texas has been upset with the Boys. But it's because we love them, and just want them to do good.

Today, they did work. Ill take a Fantasy Football loss for a Cowboys win any day (Because I had Giants defense and Ahmad Bradshaw).

You know how people always say "To be better, we need to trim the fat"??

I guess Wade Phillips was the fat that needed to be trimmed off of the glorious butt of the Cowboys. Let's keep this up.




BTW, did anybody else automatically think of the movie "Major League: Back to the Minors" when the lights went out?

Friday, November 12, 2010

For some reason I keep having flashbacks.

Thinking about the times when I was young, and I wanted nothing more but to be on a Nickelodeon game show.

You know... the good ones. Like:



I envied Annette, Donny and Omar. They had the coolest jobs ever. Go to work, wear colorful t-shirts, and make kids act wild and crazy. You can't beat that.

I dont know where the top two are, but Omar was in the movie Baby Boy, and he scared me.





Who can forget Legends of the Hidden Temple?
This show creeped me out at first, because I thought the jungle bunny people who jumped out and grabbed you during the final challenge, would keep you FOREVER. I know I would kill it though. We would definitely be the Blue Barracudas, get all of the pendants, find the ancient artifact (usually something wild like one of Bigfoots terds or George Washington's favorite pair of teeth), and win my trip to SPACE CAMP!


But my all time favorite Nick game show was...


Of course I would love the show with all the sports in it.

My mom actually took me to a live Nickelodeon even at the Convention Center a loooong time ago (Along with Disney on Ice and the Circus) and they had a GUTS part in the show. I was in awe. That Aggro-Crag looked like Mt. Everest to me. But Im sure I could have climbed it in no time.
Did it make anybody else mad when people would forget to hit one of the buttons and have to go back? Scrubs.
If I got the chance to be on GUTS, my intro/bio would go something like this.
(Narrated by Moira Quirk)
Our blue contestant is Ricky "Freight Train" Wright. He is 12 years old from Fort Worth, TX.
Ricky's favorite sport is football and his favorite player is Barry Sanders.
His hobbies include video games, magic and wrestling. Ricky says he has absolutely no competition, and the other contestants should take their consellation prizes and go home now.


Those were the good ol days...

This one makes me chuckle every time.

BANG BANG BANG!

Yes folks.

It is time again for one of my dad's crazy stories. I dont know what's wrong with him, but there is something in his brain that just isn't right.


Mom: Your dad asked if I would fix some chitterlings (Chitlins for all you country/ghetto folks) for New Years.  I told him absolutely not and that I would not be cooking those in our house.  He was begging me to cook them and I continued to say no.  Then he said, do you know how to clean them and I said no.  He then said, you clean the SHIT out of them.   Lol


SMH.

Monday, November 8, 2010

If you havent seen the Walking Dead, GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

I was jammin to Queen today and had to post some of this classic greatness.

The weather is changing.

Since it is getting a little chilly outside, I have decided to share a remedy that was passed down to me from my Uncle Reggie. (Even though he probably doesnt know I stole this from him).

If you are having one of those days where your nose is running like Usain Bolt, and you dont want to blow it (your nose) anymore, this is the best trick for you.

You can use this anywhere you go, but I suggest only doing this in the comfort of your own home, for the simple fact that people WILL laugh at you.

First, you get some toilet paper. (Or as we call it in the hood, "tawlet tisshoo")

Then, you roll it up into a little bitty cigar. (See picture below)

Once you have gotten your technique down on the cigar, you insert, and let the snot drip.


Yes, it is a little gross, but hey, it does the job.

Call of Duty: Black Ops is like Twilight.

Except, instead of a bunch of screaming girls waiting in line at a movie theater to see some pasty loser with fangs, and another nerdy werewolf guy...


There will be a bunch of guys, hopped up on Red Bull and 5-Hour Energy, waiting to get their copy of one of the best video games yet.

Dang, I wish my Xbox was working. Roar.

I'm sure you have ALL heard by now...

Wade Phillips has been fired from the Dallas Cowboys.

The state of Texas can sleep just a tad bit easier now. BUT, the question is... Will Jason Garrett be able to turn things around?

I say no. Then again, who am I to judge? I'm just a silly ol' fan.

Honestly, the best thing to do is just let this season pass by. Re-group. Focus on the TEAM in the offseason.

Coaching choices??? My number #1. choice is Bill Cowher. He's ruthless and emotional, but he will do a hell of a good job. John Gruden would also be good, and if he was the Cowboys head coach, I wouldnt have to listen to his annoying commentating that makes me want to Kiyah him in the throat.



Or maybe we could get...



You know what all of these coaches have in common???

THEY ARE WINNERS!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Check us out on Break.com!




Chris Trumbull looks just like...


Ohhhh Yeeeeaaahhhhh!


Shout out to the sun for ruining that extra hour of sleep I was supposed to get today. You ROCK!


I completely dislike...

Mascots like the one above.

Not just because they beat Texas last night, but because I feel like when I see one, I should be fooled by the costume. This guy doesnt fool me. He just looks like a football player with a big stupid head on. Step your game up kitty cat.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Monday, November 1, 2010

Shout out to my friendo Jenny and the new baby she just hatched Saturday, Audri!


That's not her, but Jenny and Teresa like to share baby names.

Fears...

Today, on one of our breaks, we had a discussion about mice. One of the "elderly ladies" told us a couple of her horror stories.

She told us one about a mouse being in her washing machine, and then one being in her car as she was driving.

So I started thinking to myself... Is it bad that I am completely terrified of rats/mice/rodents? I downloaded a picture of a rat that I was gonna post on here, but I dont want to add it until I'm completely done writing because it creeps me out.

They are so yucky.

Yes, Im bigger than most of them, but still, I cant stand to see one, or look at one for long periods of time or anything. Im getting the chills right now thinking about these nasty things.


If you are reading this (Yes, all 5 of you that are payin attention to a computer right now), I want to know your biggest fear. You can comment on here, or comment the post on Facebook. I want to see some good ones!

Like how Jerremy Barber is deathly afraid of crickets!

Or Jody Keeler hates spiders.

Or Chris Garcia hates girls.

If you have a party, play this song. Errbody will be groovin!

I'm STUCK!

Saturday Night

Big shout out to Tammy and Darren Bowles for having another crazy shindig this weekend. Thank you for being an awesome second family to me and Lin (Even though Darren wants Lin to himself)!



"Peyton, who's your favorite football team?"

"THE RANGERS!"

Gumby and Granny

Halloween...

First off... Im gonna put up some pictures. Waldo is in them somewhere, so see if you can find him.

I believe that this weekend was a success. Let's do some math:

Little Cousins Party + IPhone 4 + Bowles Shop Party - Rangers Loss - Cowboys Loss + Tons of Halloween fun = Success.

If you weren't able to make it to our "Tunnel-O-Def" last night, you missed out! I've never seen that many people at the Craig House before. And the feedback I've received about it has been nothing but good. Thanks to all of you who came, helped out and watched people scream like there was no tomorrow!