Wednesday, November 21, 2012

1500 views in 2 years - I say that's a milestone!

I'm posting this for Jennifer Gordon, since she's been threatening to never read my blog again.

For this, and other videos, including my father dancing half naked, me scaring people over and over again, and a little magic, check out my YouTube channel - RickWright30.

My Scientist bro just sent me this. I think it's BS though.

There's nothing I love more than being outside. Especially during the summer. It's so refreshing to feel the 175 degree Texas sun on my milk chocolaty skin. (*Side Note*- I am really unsure of what season we are currently in. Last night, I went running... IN SHORTS AND A T-SHIRT!!! And although the trail we were on got a tad bit rapey and my nipples started to bleed, the weather outside was perfect. Let me remind you great people that it is November. Side note concluded.)

For the 25 years I've been on this Earf, I've never had a legit sunburn. I don't know too many black people that have. I was about the throw my mom onto this list, but she doesn't count. Yellow people shouldn't. 

I figured there was no way us normals could actually get a sunburn. We will get pretty Tyrese (Exra Black) during the summer, but never any actual burn. 

I guess I was wrong? Check out the link below.

Return Of The Mack

So, once again, as I've been known to do, I went missing. This time for about two months. Please forgive me for my most recent disappearance and enjoy this jam from the 90's (Hopefully it will make up for it.)

The Mack is back!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Saturday, September 8, 2012

My Mom is trying to kill me.

I'm not sure she knows it, but subconsciously, she is.

This woman legit just tried to get me to use dairy coffee creamer that expired May 12th.

Today is September.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I enjoy mowing the yard. It's my free time. I put on the 2 Chainz album and jam alone in my own little world.

BUT, there's one thing I don't like.

The feeling that I get when people drive by the house and stare at me. Some folks are nice, and they wave.

Others stare at me like... "That's right boy. You should be workin in the yard".

Or "Damn, I need me one of those. Didn't know they were still on the market."

Or "F*** Abe Lincoln."

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Where's Black Waldo?

Dear Drivers.

If you are going to pick your nose in the car, remember the following:

1. Make sure your windows are tinted
2. Make sure your windows are up.
3. Make sure I'm not staring directly at you.



Sunday, August 26, 2012

Updated Bucket List

- Party hard with Prince Harry
- Have just a few beers and listen to Joe Biden ramble about life.
- Hang out with Wiz Khalifa and... Yeah.
- Learn to play the drums.
- Compete in one pro wrestling match.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'm letting you in on a little secret...

Everybody knows about the saying "That's what she said" right?

Well, because of work and the department I'm in, I'm unable to yell this fabulous phrase out loud.

So I got the next best thing...

A desk bell.

Now, every time I hear somebody say something funny, I ring my bell. I've even downloaded one on my phone.Hell, Kevin taught his puppy, Zoey, how to ring it.

If all else fails, I just yell DING!!

It's become a big part my life, so you 16 people (yes 16) that read my blog can now make it a big part of yours. Get you a bell and ding it all night long.

You're welcome. :)

Can't help it, but this song makes me wanna fight.

Yep, that sucks real bad.

Best Ding of my life.

I was driving the golf cart with me and Chris today when I had one of the best dings of my life.

Wait... That came out wrong.

I made a sharp turn and BAM! A giant bug flew in my mouth. I slammed on the breaks and spit and screamed.

Chris said "Dude".

I replied with "A big ass bug just flew in my mouf!! Hhfieishsbckakdfsjdk! (<----- thats me freaking out) gross."

Then I screwed up and said "I can't believe that happened. It was coming so fast and I felt all of it in my mouth."

(Insert Ding)


After a great, fun day of golf, I am sitting here wondering if I got the West Nile.

I hope not.

I feel itchy.

Let the worrying begin.

Shout out to my big cuz, doin big things!

Be on the look out for Seezund Clothing coming this fall!

I'm hopin I get the hook up on a few things... You know, a family discount.

If not, I'll still get me a few shirts.

Yeah buddy!!!!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Hey Rick! How'd you spend your Friday off?

I spent the morning with a woman AND man's fingers in my mouth.

Happy Friday.

I'm about to lose two pieces of wisdom.

And I'm in a surprisingly good mood today. Pretty weird. I've been dancin and singin. If there's anything that I've ever learned from my 17th favorite rapper over 250lbs, Bone Crusher, is that I aint eva scurred... WHAT!

About to walk into the dentist now. Wish me luck. Or unluck. Whatever you want. It's your life and your opinion.

Just know though, that if I die due to some sort of freak accident and it's because you wished ill will on me, I will haunt your life.

Follow me on the Twitter.



Took this pic last night at Bird's.

Well, it's a pic of a pic. But it's freakin Kerry Von Erich. Google him.

I think I'm gonna make a new Twitter handle.

It'll be called S*** Ricky's parents say.

Mom- Y'all gettin Shaloskees for dinner?

Dad - Rick, how you say that?
Me- Looks like Roku
Dad- Oh. RiKoo? RuKu? RoKukluxKlan.

Mom - How do we get to watch the NetFlex on tv?

Dad - It's a Taken 2 comin out?!?!? Does it still have Neil Leeson in it? What his name? Lane Nelson?

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I'm starting my bucket list.

I want to party with Prince Harry. Seems like it would be a fun night. Somebody would get a regrettable tattoo; pictures would be taken with wild animals; the Queens panty drawer would get raided.

It would be pretty dang legit.

I need to add more to this list ASAP.

Stun Gun = Trouble in my hands

Bless her tiny little heart.

Tonight, my sweet mother felt like making us steaks for dinner.

There's only one problem with this choice... Ok maybe two... 1. She's never cooked steaks before and 2. She normally does not eat steak.

Now she's never been a master of the kitchen for the 25 years that I've known her. 84% of my life consisted of Bagel Bites, hot pockets and corn dogs. 10% was me having dinner at friends houses and the last 6% was, indeed, my moms cooking (meatloaf, spaghetti and chicken tetrazzini).

The steaks were... It was... It tasted... She gave a very valiant effort. Really. It wasn't bad bad. I give her a C+. And that's mostly because she took a barrage of comments from me and my dad...

Me-Well, the salad was good.
Dad-No, the salad dressing was good, because it helped me get the steak down.
Dad-If we were in a eating contest, we'd get dead last cuz we would still be chewing.
Dad-Tastes like rocks.
Dad-I bet this cow is sayin "If I woulda known she was gonna cook me like this, I never would have got in the line at the slaughter house.
Me-Why save it for tomorrow, it already tastes like leftovers.
Me-I blame me not eating it on my wisdom teeth that will be pulled on Friday.
Mom - You know how many starving African kids would be happy to have that dinner?
Dad - They would be mad at you right now.
Mom - At least they would be grateful.
Me - I'm grateful for bagel bites.

Well, the storms were out in Saginaw today. Power went out while I was halfway into a documentary about Stone Cold Steve Austin. (*Sidenote*- Did you know that Steve Austin Also wrestled as Stunning Steve Austin - half of the tag team "The Hollywood Blondes" and ALSO as The Ringmaster?)

Anyways, it got pretty heavy here in these parts. Broken trees, lawn furniture flying, crazy wind, hail... All I was missing was a giant cow flying across the yard. BUT, there was no naders.

Damn, I wanted to see a nader. (*Sidenote #2*- Why is it, that when people tell you to stay away from windows during storms, people immediately go to the windows during storms?)

Looks like its all over now though. Kinda glad too... Can't do fun activities outside when it's raining. I'd have to resort to books and even though reading is fundamental, it lacks fun.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

That JUST happened.

People always say "Racism still exists".

I'm like, nah it don't.

Well it does.

Here's a conversation that I literally just had about 20 minutes ago.

Me - What's up peeps. (Insert me saying something witty to Alex, then I look over at Jessica.) What up purp?
^^^I said that because she is wearing purple today.
Alex - Oh, I get it... purple... I thought you meant like, a perpetrator.
Me- Nah, I was talking about the color.
Alex - So... what's up "Ger".
(Insert long pause)
Me - WHOA BRO...
Alex - (Insert a shocked/ashamed face) I was trying to abbreviate Green, I didn't mean it like that.
Me - Maybe you should have gone with "Gree" or maybe "Een".

As bad as it was, it made me LOL.

And I know he didn't mean to call me a Ger.

And I know he's not a racist.

He's probably sorry.

Or is he...

Friday, August 3, 2012

My apologies.

So, I've been doing a bad job at keeping up with this thing. My strong fan base of 14 people keep asking me  "Rick, what in the hell is going on? Our lives are incomplete without your silly, made up rubbish that you post on the internets".

I tell them "Man up you peasants. I'll be back soon enough".

Now I'm back and the same as ever (usually, a normal person would say "better than ever", but I choose to live my blogger life in a state of mediocrity).

In conclusion, I'm sorry. So go read. Thanks.

I noticed this the other day.

There is nothing more terrifying than sitting in a golf cart and hearing someone from afar yell "FORE".

I can't even explain it. A golf ball coming that fast at you could severely hurt you, maybe even kill you. I've seen it happen...

I mean, not in real life though.

And it was a baseball.

Hit a lady right in the temple.

Ok, it was from the movie "Simon Birch", but she died and that's scary. 


2012 Olympics

As of 1:00pm today, I will most likely be avoiding any social media and most of the internets because I do NOT and I repeat, DO NOT want anybody to ruin track & field for me.

Anyways, here are my thoughts on the Olympics so far and thoughts for upcoming events.

- Ryan Lochte is a chump
- I feel bad for the Russian gymnast who got silver in the all-around competition last night. She's probably dead now.
- Love how people are calling Kerri Walsh and Misty May "The Golden Girls" of beach volleyball. Is that an old joke?
- Lolo Jones will run, and look spectacular doing it.
- Handball and Water Polo is intense
- I wish they had different events for Trampoline. Maybe "Crack the Egg" or the best double bounce.
- USA has some of the best track stars ever. And we are about to do some work on these countries.
- Bolt will beat everyone, backwards and on one foot.
- Gabby Douglas is legit.
- NBC ruins everything. 
- This year's USA Men's hoops team does not even come close to being the Dream Team. 
And finally, Men's gymnastics needs to add music to their floor routines. #Fact



Finally turned 25 last week. 

Spent the morning playing golf and spent the night having a few (127) beers with great friends.*Sidenote* Apparently my so-called friends think i'm an alcoholic, because I received a bottle of Crown Royal, 1 bottle of Crown Royal Reserve, 1 bottle of Jameson and a bottle of Strawberry Moonshine.

Did anybody know that stores sell Moonshine?

So there I was, sitting on a lawn chair in Chris's garage, watching people play beer pong and in walks little Miss Lindsay with a shot glass. 

I ain't no chump, so I was like "Oh let's do it". Didn't stop to think about the horrible mistake I was making and just threw it down. Little did I know, my insides wanted to revolt against my ignorant brain and let out that devil juice to teach me a lesson.

For the next 15-20 minutes, I was in that stage where my mouth kept watering and I was trying to hold back the urge to puke my brains out. 2nd worst feeling ever (1st is food poisoning).

After that though, I was good. Still had that ugly face like I had just taken the shot for another hour, but it was all good.

Birthday = Success. 

I can dig some System of a Down.

I wasn't pictured in the newsletter...

So somebody drew me in... With a black pen. Holla!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Mom: Did you hear about the guy that wrecked his motorcycle the other day?
Dad: I seen it.
Mom: Were the guy driving it and the girl young?
Dad: Yeah, they was white.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

They're brothers! They're Happy and they're singing and they're....


Came across some old pics today of the crew. We might look a little different now (fatter, more hairy, body art, fatter), but we're still the same ol dorks.

Glad I got to hang out with these buffoons this weekend. It was a fun time....

From what I remember. :)

I love Dick's

I'm an idiot.

Like a dummy, I thought it would be a good idea to navigate throughout our hotel room without finding a light switch.

When you do that, you can't see glass shower doors.

I ran straight into the shower doors, head first. Hard. Super duper hard. I was walking full speed, thinking it would lead to another room, or closet, or lair, or something.

So like I said, I'm an idiot.

But the hotel was DOPE.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Thursday, June 28, 2012

War. Uh. Yeah. What is it good for? Absolutley EVERYTHING!

One of the worst feelings in the world, for me, is gettin got. See video below.

When I decorated Thomas' cube, I wasn't expecting backlash. I wasn't expecting anything.

Honestly, I felt like my job as a decorator, and a good one, was shown when I went HAM on his cube.

Now, for the backlash.

I left work early yesterday. I usually leave my desk with my computer unlocked, knowing it will automatically lock in 10-15 minutes.

This time, I should've locked it.

Not only did these mongols change my out-of-office message on my work email (the one where I recieve super-important emails from very important people), but they also changed the orientation for my desktop computer screen AND put a picture of Tim Duncan's ugly mug on it.
Granted, this was very juvenile and weak. BUT they got me. And I don't like gettin got.
I hate gettin got.
To be continued...

"Don't waste your time getting even. Get ahead".

Monday, June 25, 2012

To Jenny:

It's 11:00pm. Not officially your birthday yet, but I wanted to get a head start. So I wrote you a poem. It's not just any poem though... It's one of those that is really meaningful but doesn't rhyme at all. Here it goes.

You're getting so old.

You're about to be able to drive.

I guess I'll let you drive my car.

I'm scared though.

Real scared.

Happy Birthday.

I remember when you were a baby.

Now you're not a baby.

The end. Love you Jenny!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A wish.

I want the narrator from Swamp People to narrate my every day life.

Major Dillemma

First things first; I'm not sure if I spelled dillemma correctly. Oh well.

Now, I have a newfound crush on Olympic runner Lolo Jones. See picture below... Or above... Or whereever it is on this post.

Watching Trials yesterday, I couldn't help but root for her and was so happy she solidified her trip to London. (And she had a really funny tweet about farting at the starting line to scare off competitors that made me laugh)

The bad part.

One day, I will have a child. And I'm almost certain it will be a girl.

My child will be a pretty little mix just like her...

I'm gonna end up catchin a case if any boys come within 50 feet of her.


This week...

It's my last chill week before life gets cray.

July = Cray

I have:
- 4th of July
- Bird's Bachelor Party
- 2 Year Anniversary
- Bird's rehearsal dinner
- Bird's Wedding
- Vacation
- My quarter century Birfday

And somewhere in between there I need to fit in sleep, golf, and work.

I'm not positive I can handle it.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

This video gets me every time.

Start watching ASAP!

Suits on USA.
Ep. 2 of season two is on tonight at 9:00pm. DON'T MISS IT.

Mind = BLOWN

Yesterday, on my way home, I decided to stop and try out this tiny place called Sunny Burger.

See that picture above? There's a liquor store on the left. Tire shop on the right. And the little baby building in the middle is Sunny Burger.

Now, I've heard rumors, from friends and family, that this place has one of the best burger's around. I consistently refused to believe that a place, not bigger than some of the terds I produce, could be that great. I mean, there are SO many great burger joints in Fort Worth alone. There's LoveShack (RIP) and Outlaw Burger and Jake's and Fred's and Smashburger and 5 Guys and Chimy's has an awesome burger and plenty other great names as well.

There's no way... right?

I ordered a #3 meal, no pickles, tomatoes or onions, fries and a Pepsi. While waiting for my food, I sat at their counter watching some crazy game show with a clown on Telemundo. Very interesting.

This burger was massive. Hot. Juicy. Cheesy.  And literally one of the best ones I've ever had. I was pleasantly surprised. I went HAM on this burger, fo real.
*Side note* You know how hard it is to drive down the street with a giant burger in your hands, grease everywhere, steering with your knees? Yes, I know it's dangerous, but I live life on the edge.

Anywho, I highly suggest you make the trip down North Main and get you a Sunny Burger. It'll rock your world. Guaranteed.

And if you do go, make sure and tell them Ricky sent ya!!!

They'll say "Who the hell is Ricky?"

This video is ridiculous.

So glad things didn't work out.

This guy could've been my father.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I love my job.

Somebody left this note for me on one of the floors today.

It's a stone cold fact. Keith Sweat is a god amongst old men who used to be relevant.

I want her.
Make it Last forever.

Nothin but hits.

Congrats Brad!

Brad has no idea that I changed his last name to his new wife's maiden name. I can't wait for him to notice.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Welcome to the Doghouse

This is where I currently reside. See below to find out why.

(Fictional conversation)

Ben: Hey Rick! Wanna do TopGolf today?
Me: Man I wish I could. I just went yesterday.
Ben: Come on
Me: No Bennett. I will not be able to make it this time. We will get together soon when it is better and convenient for the both of us.
Ben: Sounds awesome man. You're a great dude.
Me: Thanks homie.

(Actual conversation)

Ben: Top Golf Today?
Me: Man I wish. Just went yesterday.
Ben: Come on.
Me: Lol what time?
Me: Damn I can't. Gas and games.
Me: What time.
Ben: Sooner the better. Thinking about heading up there within an hour.
Me: Let me ask the wifey.
Ben: Cool. No biggie if you can't.
(This is the part where I should've said, next time).

Arrived at TopGolf Dallas around 6pm.

Got back home to Fort Worth at 1am.

I slept in the TV room.

This just happened

Associate - "Good morning. What's wrong with that damn ice machine".

My day is officially BRIGHTENED.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Lil Mawkuss...

Can't spell.

Father's Day Backseat Dance

He was literally ridin round and gettin it.

If you were wondering, my crazy father was not wearing a shirt because he was sweating after playing TopGolf today.

Plus, who am I to stop him from being free. It's Father's Day right?

Happy Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2012

By golly, I've figured it out.

If I combine all of the things I've learned from watching television, I'd be a ├╝ber-legit, young, hotshot lawyer, who doubles as a spy, has out of this world memorization and observation skills, is president of a bad-ass motorcycle club and cooks and sells meth to make a little extra cash.

The Verdict

These teeth are golden.

And by golden I mean really white. Pearly. Powder. Snow.
Mitt Romney white.

Place your Bets...

Some of these folks have no faith in me. Thanks co-workers!! (insert fart noise)


Can't sleep yet.

I have a dentist appointment in the morning. I haven't flossed. There will be blood.

Great workout tonight. Then I ate four slices of pizza. #postworkoutmealFAIL

The basketball game tonight gave me a RoxyLean heart attack.

Scott Brooks = Breckin Meyer

Suits was off the chain tonight.

I hate you Lebron. And Dwayne. And Chris. And Mario. And Shane.

Fridays are cool. But sometimes they suck.

I hope Tiger wins this weekend.

I go now.