Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Confessions of a Serial Tree Killer, Pt. 2 - Bait

The past few weeks have been rather... slow.

Not too many jobs to do, so for the most part I did a lot of staring.

Staring at these completely full cases of paper wondering why. Why can't I end your life.

Then, I recieved a message from an angel...

It was more like an E-mail from a person, but that's what it felt like.

They said "Ricky, I have something for you to print."

I jumped for joy. I was feeling the same way Jame Gumb felt when he would trap his prey, torture them, and then wear their skin.

Except what I do is sit the paper right in front of the copy machine. Make it watch me as I put their paper brothers and sisters into my tool of death. Then once a fresh copy comes out, sit it next to the untouched paper and yell "Smell the toner! This is gonna be you in a few minutes!!!!"

 Cruel huh?

I have people ask me all the time, "Why do you do what you do? What about the environment? You're killing the earth!"

I tell them one simple answer.

I'm a mad, mad man.

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